Thoughts From Just Another Passer By

#NMSC2012

2012-01-29T16:42:00.002Z

So over this weekend I finally gotacquainted with that part of the M1 that signposts THE NORTH, pretty much likethat. Such vagueness, the NORTH. I could have been going any where (and with mysatnav I could have been going anywhere.) Such frivolity to jump in a car andjust drive. If I was to do this without a clear purpose (which I did have) thenI can honestly say that the M1 would not be the road of choice!

But on Friday (27th Jan 2012) justbefore 2pm that is where I found myself. Not alone i hasten to add, but ratherwith Holly, a great mix tape (CD) and my KA - aren't you glad to know I wasn'twalking. What a journey through rain and sleet, and according to mysatnav on roads that are un-surfaced (the M1 - un-surfaced :S ) and past all thelifeguards. I went to Durham - which I believe is the furthest North I haveever been - to the National Methodist Student Conference, tobe greeted by the 'Durhamites' or the MethSoc of Durham University.

The first night included worship,meditative prayer (in sleeping bags), buffet food and the obligatory icebreakers. Pretty much a standard at most conferences, I wonder if the mainconference would survive as well on a church floor... quite comfy esp with myadapted roll mat - a parachute (why not!).

We had three fantastic speakers Deacon Eunice Attwood, former Vice-President of theMethodist Conference, speaking on “Journeying in Godwith Moses and Lily Allen”, Rev. Ruth Gee, the chair of the DarlingtonDistrict, speaking on “Stardust, Stories and Surprises - Knowing Me, KnowingYou, Knowing God”, and Rev. Roger Walton, chair of the West Yorkshire District,speaking on “Discipleship, Mission andSmall groups.” A truly veritable feast for mind and soul... and the cake they had solved the stomach issues. I plan to at some point before all thoughts on the weekend dissolve into the rest of my whirring mind, blog on each of the seminars so watch this space, but for me what God really spoke into my heart was that God was a God of transformation, a God who loves as us as we are but loves us so much to leave us as we are. It's kinda hard to get your head around but its like you favorite stuffed toy teddy ripped to pieces that you love dearly but can't bear (notice the pun) to see it not fixed. God is a God who transforms.

So watch this space for more thoughts and exciting-ness about the weekend and life in general.

5 months today

2012-01-23T19:55:00.001Z

So in a quick break from that dissertation I'm writing I have learnt that it is 112 days or 3 months and 21 days till my final deadline. This is just a small amount of crazy compared to the fact that in:

152 or 5 months

it will be the day I graduate. All Cliff College Third Years, have fun with this great fact.

112 days to write the equivalent of 39000 words, keep on preaching, praying, living and find a job.

Them elusive words "whats next" or "you'll soon not be here" haunt the corners of your conversations. The dreaded thought that some how between now and the next five months you some how have to figure out the entirety of what happens next or at least some sort of action plan. I suppose I'm lucky, I've already started to apply for Jobs. Keeping my ear to the ground for any potential. Reasonably willing to go any where.

It all comes back down to this calling business, I preach so often on calling, and I forever joke that I haven't a clue where the next year or two will take me... I even used a parachute on Sunday to stress how at moments this terrifies me and make me wish to bail - or run away like Jonah. And like many thing that I sit here and wonder about it all boils down to this one thing. God will provide. I'm aware he will provide the 39000 equivalent words, with relevant footnotes. I'm very aware he will preach the good news through me, and in spite of me if I fail! I'm aware he here's my thoughts when I don't make it up for morning prayers, and forgives me when I struggle at house group and celebrations. I'm aware the he has great plans for me and has a job for me and will provide for me. For God never called the equipped, but equips the called. I know (although sometimes I feel its more a hope than an assurance, I'm human after all) he will not let me fail at his work.

"Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." Philippians 1:18b-19 (NIV)

There is a long time between here and the end of five months, but also so little. I hope you will be willing to pray with me and share through this time and thoughts as I continue to let you have a glimpse in my life. Maybe you have a job for me, or some words of wisdom... Somehow I get the feeling these five months are the start of something big! Watch this space.

Deadline

2012-01-15T22:41:00.004Z

Deadline is that time of year which all students dread, even if you like deadline it fills you with that cold sweat, knowing that somewhere you friends will be eating that midnight pizza followed by 3am toast and 6 am coffee. Its that moment where you realise your reading may just pay off and that Facebook is possibly the worst invention. Its a time when you consider there is the possibility of two 3 o'clocks in the day and that wikipedia although not quotable is a gift from God.

My friends consider that Deadline sends me completely crazy, or rather I become less concerned about confrontation and more prone to speaking my mind. Most find this reasonably amusing, and in some ways is possibly a trait I should consider adopting more often.

So I asked some friends for something to talk about and it was suggest I talked about Aiden Sharpe. This week in college we started an appreciation group for Aiden. This is a guy I've known for a very time through Cliff College Festival. Now I don't want to embarrass him to much but he is fantastic musician, great man of God and a really good friend. Currently he's probably sat somewhere in college writing the last of his work. I wish him well.

So now I've embarrassed him a little he is also a friend who has started a blog for the new year. he has some interesting thoughts, and often produces them at wither inconvenient moments, when he should be typing, or when we're both trying to be quiet behind a sound desk.

Take a look http://adsharpe.blogspot.com/

This is definitely be a man to look out for.

The Wise Men's Guide

2012-01-05T16:22:00.004Z

Its crazy how often I start a post and never finish what I was going to type. Often for various reasons, sometimes phone calls, or someone wants something that has to be done instantly. Sometimes the words fail me or I get to the end of a post and I look back at the inadequacy of my words. I've sat down many times this week to blog about my New Years Day service and each time I've got three lines into the introduction and one of the above has happened. Preaching a message is so much easier. But I wish to write it here to remind myself of my own words throughout the year. My sermon had a title. I don't often title my sermons, but this just seemed to happen. The Wise Men's Guide to 2012. Like many traditional sermons it had three points (also all titled so all I had to have in front of me was one title and a subheading - saving the world less notes at a time.)

My first point (and please if you know me and I struggle with any of these through out the year please refer me back to this blog post!) is Great Expectations. At the beginning of this year do we have great expectations. I cannot imagine the wise men setting out halfway around the world on a very long journey if they did not have great expectations for what was to happen. When we go on holidays we have great expectations of relaxation or adventure (depending on your particular holiday persuasion.) The wise Men had poured out into charts and built there lives around stars and here was one of the greatest possibilites they could take so they followed. This year do I have great expectations of God and what he is going to do for me and how I am going to serve him. I have expectations: to hopefully finish my degree, to get a job, to finish my local preachers, to find somewhere to live, to candidate. But I also have to be aware that I'm following Gods will and if his star leads me down a different path then who am I to not let go of my current expectations and move forward to his. I'm sure the Wise men were busy people, who had a lot to do, probably some very important engagements were to happen in there time away, but they had greater expectations in what God was doing than there plans. This year I pray for Greater Expectations of God.

My second point was about the ups and downs we face in our year. We know on any journey we go on there are better parts and worse parts, and I'm sure trekking to find the new born King was no different. I always imagine that the wise men would have had that mountain top moment surrounded by the pure beauty of creation, but we also see that these men are human and get things wrong as they enter Herod's palace. In my heart I expect they knew this as they entered, that sinking feeling, that intuition that tells you that something is wrong. However, what I love more about that wise Men's story is not only do they get it wrong but God uses that situation to the Wise Men on the right path, he gives them more information, a new direction and heads them on their way. I can see this happened before in my Christian journey moments when I've got it wrong and he's put me right, and I can also know I've sometimes been blind to God's beauty when its all going well. For 2012 I hope I open my eyes more to what God is doing.

Thirdly I hope that what ever happens good or bad this year I keep coming to praise God. Turning my face solely on Jesus and offering what ever I have to give him, like the Wise Men did all them years ago. I hope this time next year I will be able to look back and see the points that have been amazing because God made them beautiful, see the points were even though I've got it wrong God will put me back on that path that is straight and narrow, and once again I just lift my voice in all situations to praise him with all that I have.

This year I'm going to expect great things, going to ask God to open my eyes, and I'm going to praise him, Praise him when its good, praise when its bad, and praise him even louder when it is truly truly ugly... this is my prayer.

The service was a nice service, I enjoyed it, however I would also like to ask you not only to think about what the Wise Men's journey means for your 2012 but also pray for a family in my church who lost a a wonderful Lady (Fiance and Mother) in the early hours of New Years Day, and also for the church and those who are supporting them at this time. I'm not sure I will ever forget this New Years Day service because of the loss felt by our church family, but also because God is still good and has a message for us to hear.

I leave you with this song by Matt Redman, a song I have not stopped sing these last two weeks.

"The sun comes up
Its a new day dawning
Its time to sing your song again
What ever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes"
- 10,000 Reason (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman

Crazy Dream for 2012

2011-12-31T12:17:00.000Z

I dont often tell anyone about the dreams I have, mainly because who wants to here that I trip in my dreams as much as I do when I'm awake. And I only ever remember tripping up in my dreams not what else happens. But last night was different, I thought I would share.

There were two of us in a foreign land, we had no where to go and we were searching for for someone. We were walking through a small alley way of open shops mostly selling books. We start to look through the books and find this Christian book, and hold to the man on the stall asking how much, all the other shop owners gather closer, the shop owner holding the book starts to read from it, ending by saying that there is a high price for the book cause to own it means you are a Christian and within this Land Christians are not welcomed. We just said we didn't care how much for the book cost we would take it, and all of a sudden there was hugging and clapping and laughing. The stall holders where Christians as well. They asked were we where staying for the night and we said we had no where so they said sleep on our floors, that they gathered for worship first and then dispersed to homes or places and that we must stay. And when the service started we were welcomed and then they sang the glory of god, and all around the place where these shops were more people sang, it was explained that there were more people, many more people who believed and that although the land was hostile towards Christians there would always be some. We would be provided for and that God would point the way, and then we slept.

I'm not sure what it means but yesterday I said I would post about my dreams for 2012. This year is the end of my degree, and I hope to find a job, to continue to work towards my calling, continued to challenged and stretched for Jesus and work for him. There will be other things I would love like a place to live other than home, to be in a relationship, to be able to keep my car, but We shall see wont we.

Most of all I move into 2012 know the living God, knowing my saviour and knowing of God's amazing provision and community. I hope for nothing more than to see Christ more fully each day.

Here's 2012.

The top ten of 2011.

2011-12-30T14:06:00.002Z

It comes to the end of another fantastic year, and to be just like everyone else I thought I would share some highlights of 2011, and some hopes for 2012.

The top ten:

India - when I think of the craziest things I've done this year, this was certainly up there. Maybe because it filled a whole month of my year therefore means that the likeliness of it to appear increases. It was a lifetime experience.
Surprising in number two is having my tonsils removed. It has actually made a huge difference to my life. And who wouldn't want to watch Kung Fu Panda in Hospital.
Mission to Berko with a fantastic team is also up there, it was a great ten days with some amazing people. Its always great to be involved with churches that are doing great things for God.
Being involved with MYA was a great experience, to see so many young people passionate about the Methodist Church is really inspiring. I also got to hang out with some great people, promote cliff, lead workshops, worship, see some old friends and just be. It was also good to be stretched by God that weekend.
I turned 20.... which was slightly crazy as at midnight when they day turned to the 26th May I was cold, hungry and all alone in a tent, and everyone else in college was in Tesco's I believe. (I almost cried) Then two friends ring me with an emergency, which turned out to be an Indian take away and jelly snakes, which started the fantastic day of hiding at every meal time and many cakes and putting up lighting. And of course the whole festival weekend is a great opportunity of fellowship, worship and being challenged by God.
Summer Camp - who doesn't love summer camps, and going away this year with church to help lead a camp for the young people of the circuit is no different. Campfire worship all the way
The Norfolk Show - I returned once again to the Norfolk show as a chaplain a great two days to Just listen and talk to people about everything and anything, from tractors to communion and everything in between.... well mostly weather, guest intakes, prices and trade. It was warm and sunny and great to be out with the rest of the Norfolk Churches Together.
I finished my second year of Cliff, and have started my third and got a new ensuit double room. Continuing my studies at Cliff is really great, I cant believe that at the end of 2011 I have one semester left. This is most likely the last full year of Cliff Life.
I suppose its on a similar train as going to India but flying back from India - not because I was coming home, but because the world was truly beautiful that night.
The many times I've been reminded I'm alive, wether thats because I'm awake at 4am to see the sunrise across the beach, climbing an indoor climbing wall, climbing out of my now written of car (i only did this once honest) or standing on top of the edge watching the sun set I thank God for his mercy and love that has kept me here.

What are your top moments of 2011?

Tomorrows post will be the ten hopes and dreams of 2012!

UK today, India tomorrow

2011-11-09T23:52:00.002Z

It may have escaped someone attention, but tomorrow I leave for India.

I'm also (Shockingly) almost packed! I think the last few days have already started a journey for me. I had completely under estimated what people thought of me in college. I knew I had worth, but then any one who can sort things out with out to much fuss is bound to, but this seemed more than this. They bought me a card and I'm going away for a month, not forever.

As for tomorrow, it might even beat some of my longer coach journeys, but I'm looking forward to it. the thrill the excitement, the wonder of if I have packed everything, and told everyone all the right details.

Currently my concerns are travellers cheques..... how on earth do you use them.

Otherwise I'm excited for the this month, It's been completely in Gods hands, and there it shall stay. :D
Be Blessed
xxx

Photos

2011-10-29T01:20:00.001+01:00

Photo's/

Don't you love them. To one person a photo can mean so much, to others not a clue.

I love going out with the camera if I have time or catching a moment with the old phone (or rather new phone with good((ish)) camera.)
But for some they will mean nothing and others so much. Here are some photo's that I love, that make up my rolling screen saver.... whats more there are explanations.

My and my friend, Emma went to the beach, very early in the morning... around 4 and it makes me think that there is always some one walking with me. Always something good to remember.

I took this photo a couple of years ago. It's one of my favourite places in the world. Not only the beach but Mundesly, just always peaceful if you go at the right time.

This was at Amport house. The tri-service Chaplaincy centre, this was were I spent 3 of a 10 day visit to the Army.

This motley crew are just some of the fantastic people you meet at Cliff... whats more its snowing. The world was escaping.

My brother, need I say more.

One of the memorials in the churches I visited over the summer. So many names scattered around this globe in memory. Not enough poppies.

I just really like this photo... no actual reason!

Christ for All, All for Christ. The college motto and something we are really thinking about again this year. It comes up in our liturgy in prayers. its on two stained glass windows and at other points around campus.

Just a few photo's I hope you like.

Remember: Christ for All, All for Christ

xxx

Three notes noted

2011-10-27T16:59:00.003+01:00

Note number one:

This weeks been tough.
This week I'm struggling, but praise be to God because he is good.

Note Number two:

Still a small and slim but possible chance to go to MYA 3generate.... it's going to be great!

Note Number Three:

It's been a while, and for my third year I have to do a block placement for two weeks. I could do practically anything as long as it was essentially safe and at the end of the two weeks I could write a 3000 word assignment on it, or rather the dreaded words - theological reflection. I thought about it long and hard and I was hoping to find away of working with a militrary chaplain/padre over the summer. Having my tonsils out really ut paid to that. So giving up on that brilliant but unsccesful plan I thought to myself... simple I will just find a church who wants to have student be involved in there church for two weeks, no problem there will be many... some how no.

Three weeks ago I was beginning to start to panic block placement still has to be fitted in (yes I know I still have plenty of time) there was the dissertation to be thinkin about, extended mission and all of my intensive weeks. Then I was driving one of our tutors to the train station and he says.... "do you know anyone who wishes to go to India for a 1 to 3 months?"

And I thought to myself, that would be cool.

And I went to see the academic dean... a very nice man who said yes if you want go to india... and my programme tutor said the same.
And evrything clicked into place within two days, all that is apart from a visa - which is hopefull now being processed as we speak.

So two weeks from now I shall hopefully travelling to what shall slowly become a frozen England to a very warm India to work with a bible seminary. And I'm excited.

Still two weeks after making this decision to leave some of my studies for a month and there is a bad week, a week filled with negativity and sleepless nights and the need to catch trains, its this week where most of the time it would seem so much easier to cry and walk away, but you know what,

God is still good, still faithful and unchanging, and probably has a very comfortable shoulder to cry on. Just have to be honest and at this moment in time say I'm not feeling my strongest... will you carry me still.

Poem

2011-09-25T15:27:00.001+01:00

When all is said and done,

I wish to walk towards the Son.

Holding fast to the cross,

Kneeling at his feet.

Dancing for his glory.

Singing all his praise.

I want to tell all these kingdoms,

about great news you are.

Share a glimpse of heaven and

Share the love from all above.

Poem

2011-09-01T18:29:00.002+01:00

I started this some time ago, by the sounds of it, it wasn't the brightest time in my life... today I finished it :D

I feel asleep one night
and down I fell
a dream of bugs and bells
The fire burnt bright
the shadows grew deeper
I hope i awake to daylight strong
and an ever deepening understanding
and voice for your song

The Royal Norfolk Show

2011-09-01T18:25:00.001+01:00

For the last couple of years I've had the great opportunity of working with the Churches Together Tent at the Royal Norfolk Show. For those of you who are unaware of this particular county show, it is currently the largest Show of its kind within the country, to the point this year Norfolk made the national travel updates due to the amount of traffic on the roads... usually no one outside our county needs to know.

The first few years I had the privileged of an in-tent job working with the Messy church set up. The tent is often set out as a cafe with activities for children families or any one really who wants to get involved and then with activities around the perimeter focused on the theme as well as a prayer space. I loved woking on the Messy Church work, it gave both an opportunity to be messy but to allow the adults as much as anyone to have the space to discuss faith in a non threatening if not slightly unusual environment that was not judgemental but trying to offer support in all ways. It wasn't just families but teachers as well, especially primary school teachers who were not necessarily comfortable with teaching RE found it great to allow their children to explore faith through both messy and Godly play. With the two years I spent in-tent so to say I had a great many conversations with visitors to the show.

These last two years my role has been different, with the interest in chaplaincy my minister gave me the great opportunity to join other ministers, nuns and local chaplains in being show chaplains. I remember last year being completely daunted with the task when they showed me 'my patch' so to say. Firstly I was young. There is no denying the fact that in the culture in which I am most often perceived (British or Western) I am not of the age to talk to unless I am talking to those of that age, who probably should still consult some on older. It is difficult to think that in some cultures by now I would probably have been married off by now with at least a couple of children to fend for. Yet I recognise currently I have to have a lot of confidence within my ability and my identity, in some ways I can not hide behind the idea that age is wisdom because I do not have the wrinkles to pull it off (not all wise people have wrinkles and not all old people have wrinkles not all old people are wise and not all wise people are old - just as a disclaimer.) I do not have the identity of a dog collar, and actually this is something that people still connect with. The dog collar in some places can still be seen as something to respect. I found this year on my first at the show sharing the role with some who wore a dog collar meant that some people spoke to me because of the lovely lady I was with, who would not even recognise me the second day, let alone give me the time of day in some cases, because of this natural authority and respect the dog collar still gave. It was not the same in all cases but I still had to make my own identity and communicate that to the people with out the very helpful aid of a dog collar. Personally, I would like to recognise that the chaplains would have done and did there job wether with or with out the dog collar. They do an incredibly difficult but rewarding job and I pray that all chaplains in all situations from simple show chaplains to forces chaplains, betting shop chaplains to canal chaplains train chaplains to hospital chaplains and beyond continue to rest in God and allow his Spirit to continue working in there work.

1st of September

2011-09-01T12:22:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure that its the new year that changes the world.... Nothing happens in January except a load of mostly already broken promises we keep trying to persuade ourselves to do.

September is the month!
September is the month when everything changes... its really the start of autumn.
But looking back every September is a change, big things happen.

We go back to school, or college, or Uni, if we have families they do the same and if we have none we can go back to places as there are no longer school, college or uni students hanging around.

Its been 10 years this September since 9/11. Its the month of international talk like a pirate day. Its the start of the Methodist Year. September was when we started using our current calendar system!

This time last year I posted about a changing experience I had with the Army, and it is incredibly scary to think that the guys some younger than me who had started there training when i visited will have completed there phase two training and probably be working full time. Its bizarre to think that some I have met will still be training to go back out to continue fighting a war or peacekeeping or still be prepared to blow people up and be blown up.

Two years ago I would have been panicing about going to Uni, What would Cliff be like, would anyone like me, would the food be okay would I be able to write assignments. What would happen when people discovered how clumsy I was. I had my first Uni hospital visit. I made fantastic friends, I wrote my first assignment albeit in November ... I survived, and most would now accept my clumsiness as endearing.

The year before that we started with the this time next year you could be at Uni speech...
The year before that Welcome to college speech...
The year before that we started with the this time next year you could be at College speech
The year before that Welcome to your GCSE's....

You kind of get the picture. September is when everything changes.

You are thrown into life once again... building up to something to look forward to all winter... something to hold fast to as the colour fades from summer skies.

This September is no different.
I can most likely guarantee I will go back to uni and get the this time next year you have to enter the real world... welcome to your final year of your degree. Its inevitable.

I'm not the same person each September though. This one month is not the end of life changing events its just a key one.

So what about me this September.

I'm still clumsy.
I'm still on the road... just.
I still love God, still clinging to Jesus and attempting to live by the Spirit.
I love dancing more than ever.
I have taken up photography.
I'm quite excited about writing a dissertation.
I'm on trial as a Local preacher.
I still paint badly.
I'm still scared about receiving the collection in church.
I want to learn to sky dive and visit Australia.
I'm still looking at a calling in Methodist Ministry,
and I still have not organised my third year block placement.
I no longer wear odd shows which is both odd and a shame.
I no longer organise my computer files as well as I should or my books by colour.
I still would love to own a kayak and drive a yellow mini (old style)
Mundesley is still my favourite place in the world.
and I still love to stand on the Edge, in literal and metaphorical sense.

Furthermore in my new (That being September) I cannot wait to see how God is going to refine me, how he will reclaim me, and how is plan is going to work out for me. I may not be looking forward to all that sanding down and chopping off but its plan.

Whats more I hope I stay smiling as God is Good... all the time.

2011-08-20T20:36:00.000+01:00

Clearing out my laptop sharing the poem and thoughts - mostly half finished so they're gone from my computer but not lost forever.

*

Find the soul of the lost
Taste the hour that eclipses
Know that tomorrows walk will add blisters on to blisters
Time shall not bear easy on you
Nor shall the road be smooth
Fight for tooth and nail upon the rocky path
For tomorrow will not be easier
But maybe it won't be harder

*

You have called me

All that I am

Put me here in this moment

Standing with the lamb

You gave me a map

And You ask me to pray

To work with you on my direction

Everyday

You ask me to intercess

For my fellow travellors

For their paths and directions

Are important to you to

For we all serve your glory

The glory of the king

Our direction faces into you

To you our praise we sing.

To the glory of your name

I bring to you my life in praise.

How can you accept us?

I’ve seen the work our hands have done

Crazy shameful moments

Time wasters, life suckers

Criminals, hypocrites

Murders, surfers.

Middle class mums

And high class dads

Working class aunts

And vagabond uncles.

Brothers and sisters lost and in pain

Wandering feet and wandering spirits

Life with incredible limits.

Boundaries and walls

I can’t imagine how they can fall

How can your inexhaustible love

infiltrate into this pollution

into a world where you can be moving

yet few see you

and fewer seek you

Such disunity and helplessness

But Lord I have seen your people

Connected, praying, loving

Not judging.

I have seen their passion for you

Their love for your people

Who have answered your call

And stayed true to your word and work

I have seen hearts break with love for these people

And I have seen hearts mended here

I have seen people walk in humility

Walking ever closer to you

They have their eyes on the goal

And are solid in their foundations

Based upon the one true Cornerstone

They are a living for you Lord

And you supply and bless

To the glory of your name

In response

I bring to you my life in praise.

One day you may wonder how you changed the world?

2011-07-04T23:47:00.000+01:00

When all is said and done,
Don't let this world wear you down.

x.X.x

One day you may wonder how you changed the world?
Turn round and take a look at the laugher you have shared,
Those tear shed side by side.
The silence that was companionable,
And the love you gave to all.

One day you may wonder how you changed the world?
So do not twist your today with hate,
As then the picture skews.
Forgive so you may love better
And hope in all you do.

One day you may wonder how you changed the world?
But spare a moment to,
To think about how this world has also changed you.
Thank God for all the people who travelled by your side,
who lived and loved and laughed with you in all seasons of your life.

2nd Year Mission -2 (06/April/2011)

2011-04-06T16:10:00.000+01:00

Okay so its this time of the year agian where he head off on Easter mission with college... and last year at this point I was freaking out.

This year the only difference I really want to go. I know how important missions are. I'm looking forward to working as part of a team. I really hope they're excited and inspired and encouraged and absolutely terrified as well.

When ever we go out preaching we're always told the day your not nervous you go home, why is mission not the same, its still done in the reverence of God. For his Glory.

Please pray for the Cliff college teams going out on mission on Friday, also pray for Northern Ireland, Newham, Northallerton and Berkhamstead.... As they've all got teams visiting them!

Loving people

2011-04-06T01:51:00.001+01:00

Okay so I have had one major, major, major problem this year. One major theological query, one thing that has caused me more sleepless nights than attempting to sleep in a lions cage, brought me to more tears, more smiles and more laughs more than anything. One of the hardest things ever. And probably at the core of mission, the core of evangelism, the core of LIFE.

Loving people.

I've struggled and wrestled with theology; you name it predestination, the trinity, feminism, female leaders within the church, young leaders in the church, relational evangelism, children's spirituality, 1 Peter 2v4-10, old testament covenants and their relation to today, Islamic culture,the wesleyan quadrilateral and the fact there is only 7 days in a week, 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour (etc.) and its still not enough time sometimes, and to much at others.

I have wrestled with work; academic - meaning many thousands of words on the above topics. But also the stuff that allows me to be at college by paying for me to wash up, sweep floors and chop carrots.

I have wrestled with the fact that i never thought I would score a goal in football, play table tennis whilst being able to serve, get to play frisbee with people who loved, or dance in worship!

I have wrestled with the fact that this academic year I have a purpose on my life, and reason to be alive, and a chance to celebrate it. Whats more I walked out of two car accidents of varying severity with minor cuts. God is good.

I have sat through many lecture, I have sat in the doctors waiting room more times than I have with the doctor, and I have also been in an ambulance three times this year, and some form of A+E or minor injury units more time than any one else from college this year (not all for me.)

But Loving People thats a whole other ball game. How do you not get bogged down in theology to the point you forget that the Gospel preaches Christ risen - A God of Love. Humanity and divine on a cross to death for us. God loved people. He loved us, died for us, and just to shock every rose from the dead... for us. to bridge the gap. to LOVE us!

Further more, we're growing in Christ, which excites me, cause we're growing in love for one another! Amazing really. But not easy.

I live in a Christian community, and I love them, and this year we have looked at being salt and light in the community, and it got to me that we only thought about placements, home churches, communities outside of ours. But we are salt and light at home as well. Where ever you are sat now you are salt and light! and that means loving people.

I struggled with paid work as well. These people are people I see regularly but how am I showing love to them, being Christs love in their lives, salt and light and all that stuff!

So loving people. encouraging them, being with them, standing their when they've lost their keys, listening when they shout out, listening even harder when they whisper, trying not to judge them, sitting with them, kneeling with them dancing with them. Loving them... all people. I pray that this is what uses me for, for his kingdom. It's not going to be easy and I'm not perfect but its a call that I cannot deny. I recognise its not easy and sometimes there is no easy answer, and sometimes its hard to see you also need to let someone love you back, let someone serve you. But, I'm growing in Christ and learning and loving, bear with me as well.

Father God I pray you take my life and use it for you, allow me to be salt and light to your people. Help me to be Christs love to all, the down cast and the ecstatic, the excited the depressed and the in the middle. Father help me to encourage all people rather than judging. Let me be aware when love means saying hard things and being in tough situations, and when maybe it means walking away to allow someone else to be there instead. Lord help me serve your people. Lord let me love your people, and all people, as you love me and them.
In your almighty name.
Amen

time to start loving people, all people. and no giving up.

2011-03-31T20:20:00.000+01:00

Does not matter if you feel God.
He is still there.

A second chance @ Christian Spirituality Week 3

2011-01-31T23:27:00.002Z

Spiritual Formation was a rather brilliant non-assessed class in my first year here at Cliff. But what is Spiritual Formation?

For me the image that supports spiritual formation is that of a master potter. This is image is one that has biblical support which would of course get me brownie points in my essays here, but is also a pretty good basis to life. The image of the potter is God building us up forming us and our spirituality out of clay, building us up and breaking us down, leaving his finger print, and moulding us into a masterpiece where he has left something of himself. This work is not clean or clear cut but rather, rather messy.

What is spiritual formation?

A spiritual hunger for more than spiritual junk food.

A development of our relationship with God moving us to spiritual maturity.

A process for individuals and communities.

Moving towards a Christ-likeness.

A journey of faith.

Painful and pleasing.

Uncomforting and comfortable.

Towards a spiritual identity.

Growth, Unique, unconformity, conforming.

Invisible or often retrospective.

It can be found in our longing and in our absence of longing or in the longer we have to wait.

It can be found in the places of our Gethsemane.

By our streams and forests

In our deserts and dry lands.

Shaping, crushing, painful, lusting.

It is a challenge. A relationship.

It is hard to make sense of.

Further more my challenge this week is to encourage others in there spiritual growth. Do we as a people of God encourage each other enough in this? I challenge you to encourage others in there spiritual formation this week too.

Consistent?!?!? What?

2011-01-30T23:58:00.000Z

The consistency of Jesus. This term keeps cropping up amongst our lectures. Why did people follow Jesus... he was consistent. Why do we use his approach to spirituality he was consistent. The Gospel a biographical piece of work, not much character development, but rather, consistent. Jesus was consistent. Wow, not sure if I was to right down my top three reason to why everyone should follow Christ that consistent would be up there. Or would it?

Consistent what does it mean?

the definition straight off my mac:

consistent |kənˈsistənt|

adjective

(of a person, behavior, or process) unchanging in achievement or effect over a period of time : manufacturing processes require a consistent approach.

• compatible or in agreement with something : the injuries are consistent with falling from a great height.

• (of an argument or set of ideas) not containing any logical contradictions : a consistent explanation.

Jesus the Consistent. We often talk, teach and sing about God being unchanging, the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is I suppose God but not until this last week did I ever think of Jesus as consistent. A character you could rely on. Revolutionary, radical, relational thats Jesus a nice piece of alliteration. Consistent, how can some one who turns the world on its head, overthrows tables in the temple, washes his disciples feet, forgives the prostitute, accepts the gentile, walks in the desert and is himself baptised, be consistent.

Revolutionary, radical, relational, that was Jesus, consistent? His disciples must have seen it though to give up there nets, something they could constantly depend on. Even Jesus talks about in Mark 4: 35-41

³⁵ That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” ³⁶ Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷ A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸ Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
³⁹ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
⁴⁰ He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
⁴¹ They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” (NIV)

"Do you still have no faith?" in the man that is consistent?

I look at my life, as why apply this only in a blank theological context with no experience to back it up, and I look at the lives of my family and friends, so I know its not just me. And Jesus is consistent. We, humankind, however are not. We are flakey and flukey and flit from place to place. Yet God, a trinitarian God at that still walks with us. Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Im sure in the past I have described God as a God of the Unexpected. The God who is transforming, and loving. A god whom we should fear, and respect. A God who is revolutionary, radical and relational. A God who gave his son to die in place of my sin. A God who gives hope, share in our vulnerability and is our strength.

Today, I recognise my God, my Saviour and my present help as Consistent!

A second chance @ Christian Spirituality Week 2

2011-01-24T22:13:00.000Z

What does it mean to be a disciple of Jesus?
Tonights was the second session of Christian Spirituality here at Cliff.
I'm going to draw on a few discussion that took place tonight.

Firstly what are words would use to describe Jesus Spirituality?
How would you describe Jesus approach to others.

I think Jesus Spirituality and the way that related to others was intense. I just imagine this intensity that comes from God. If this was part of his persona, a character trait then it would have appeared in his fasting, praying, study, celebrating, serving.

His whole ministry in itself was a radical concept, therefore why not his spirituality.

Other ideas include Practical, loving, confident, flexible, consistent, relational, caring, selfless, servant hearted, led by example, intuitive, humble, encouraging, visible, paradoxical and inclusive.

Jesus washing his disciples feet is a key example of Jesus practising the spiritual disciplines and teaching them to his disciples.

Tonights key quote for me: [Spirituality is...] Heart knowledge and foot knowledge that walks the dusty roads and sometimes needs to be washed by the hand of our saviour. - Gwen Henderson.

A second chance @ Christian Spirituality Week 1

2011-01-17T22:53:00.002Z

I have been really challenged by many things in the last few weeks. What came top – and its not a new challenge to the way I work – was do I actually take enough time out. Burnout is an ever-growing concern placed on those within all forms of ministry in the 21st century, because most are not satisfied unless they are juggling 21 things! Furthermore I felt a great desire to re-do the Christian Spirituality module here for level four (first years), I did it last year, but I feel due to the fact that it is a credited module that I did not get out of it as much as I could of. So, this is my second chance at Christian Spirituality. Time out to learn something away from assessments, that I shall be documenting on the World Wide Web, and highly likely that as the course looks at some of the Spiritual disciplines, that I shall be attempting to use them in my life and practice them where possible.

Why is spirituality attractive in the 21st Century?
It could be suggested that many feel that there is something greater out there, that holding on to a spirituality can often make them feel included. Its placed out there by consumerism, it offers an escape, confidence, hope or a way of dealing with or ignoring the root of the problem. It can be safe, or it can be something more wild. A way of drowning out real life, or of having some control, or giving it over or being free. It’s a way of being.

When looking over a handout tonight we where asked to pick our favourite definition, and being me I decided to be awkward and use only half a quote. Spirituality is… ‘about living “the whole life at depth”’(1)

Looking specifically at spirituality as a Transforming experience in the bible
2 Cor 3: 18 says ‘And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.’ It really struck me that the God we worship as Christian works within us he changes us, and this has an outward outworking, we shine his glory.
In Philippians 2: 13 ‘continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.’ This God works in us. Our spirituality is a daily act of recognition of this transformation both inwards and outwards.

What can God do?

My challenge for this week, (or homework for the rest of the class) is to take five minutes out (maybe stick in a worship song, or sit in silence, or go for a walk) and ‘allow God to make you aware that you are a living miracle.’ (2)

________________________________________________________________________________________________

(1)Sheldrake. P., A Brief History of Christian Spirituality, (Oxford: Blackwell Publishing, 2007) p.40
(2)Henderson, Gwen, Christian Spirituality lecture 17th Jan 2011, at Cliff College

All dressed up

2010-12-31T18:49:00.000Z

And I'm all dressed up this new years eve, not because I'm doing anything greatly special apart from the fact that I'm about to change the world.

Thats it the year 2011 and I'm going to change the world!

New Years Resolution

2010-12-30T17:55:00.000Z

Okay I'm really struggling with this whole New years Res thing. It's all people seem to go on about. I'm going to smile more, make more time, eat more, drink more, eat less and drink less. Well its all good and well but we know that most people cant stick with a NYR past the end of the week let alone month. So do I bother, knowing the my will power probably last just longer than week but definitely shorter than a month. However, maybe this will be the year I try less. I remember half way through the year I promised a very good friend of mine that I would do that this year at college and I feel I have positivity failed this most of this year.
SO there it is my NYR to not try so hard.

Glitter

2010-12-08T20:21:00.000Z

He chucked glitter on the floor and the world became muted for the first week of preparation. We were still busy, but I think we were more of a community, held under this new beauty laid down by God.

Yes the snow came. We tried o see f we could change one of our seminars to be 'God has made us as white as snow... Discuss?' Not sure this went down to well with the tutor!

We did however still gather as a community, albeit a smaller community for safety, to celebrate the Lord, and to share together in fellowship in sung worship, prayer and testimony. It was really great to gather and draw into to share.

And its crazy. I shared this with everyone:

I live in a community that when you start here I was often bowled away by its beauty but after a while and the closer you get to deadline you kind of forget and this week God has just brought me back to him and the knowledge of his power, his beauty. God completely reminded me of how much in control he could be and how much he could do and this was just to the land scape. I know that God loves me greatly so if he did this earth what is he doing in my life, how is he changing me into this new and beautiful creation. Whats more I already know I live in an amazing community, so i can't wait to see what he's changing them into.

And now as it freezes it turns into glitter.

I had housegroup christmas meal on tuesday night. It was great cause we were like a family, right to the weird uncle. This is what Gods community is. covered in glitter. Not down to us but down to God and he truly makes us beautiful white (and glittery.)

Isaiah 1:18

"Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
they shall become like wool.

Personal Value Excersise

2010-11-09T23:20:00.000Z

Today in Mission Placement we did an exercise on Personal Value which was really interesting. I thought I would put them on here partially as a reminder in case I lost the paper, partially because somethimes its good to think about these things. So with my highest value first.

1) Hope
2) Friendship
3) Love
4) Courage
5) Creativity
6) Commitment
7) Trust
8) Honesty
9) Strength
10) Vulnerability

It doesn't take long to read a Gospel!

2010-10-28T12:02:00.000+01:00

At the beginning of our year at college as part of our quiet day we had read to us allowed a Gospel in 2 or so hours. It was an amazingly powerful things to do. Listen as a community to the Good Good News of Christ in the form of the Gospel on Mark.

When in a lecture the other day a tutor said to the class this:

"It doesn't take long to read a Gospel!"

I thought thats fair out loud two hour with breaks but then I thought. It takes a lot longer to read a gospel, a lifetime to read a gospel. If we read the gospel in two hours what have we missed, if we glance at it how can we be transformed, renewed and covered in the Grace of God if we are read a gospel in an hour?

I'm going to make a brave and bold statement and try and live by it myself. You cannot read a Gospel in an hour, or Acts, or the Epistles, the Old Testament. Instead it takes a life time, and a chance to be transformed by God through it to read the Good Good News of Christ Jesus Our Saviour.

Will I

2010-10-19T11:23:00.002+01:00

Hello you,

How are you?

Can you see me?

I can see you!

Will the sunshine tomorrow

And the rains keep at bay?

Will you be here to see me

And love me all the same?

Will the journey be so much easier

Or will be harder day-by-day?

Will each step be springy and light

Or held with drudgery and fear?

Will my voice be strong and true

Or a whisper faltering here?

Will I look on boldly forward

I truly know my way?

Or will I tentatively reach out slowly

Arms length away?

Could I wake up tomorrow and this is gone?

Could I walk away and forget?

Could I ever gain a love like this?

Could I ever run on forwards?

Will the questions get easier?

Then, I suppose, the answers get harder!

Will the disappointment be an honour?

Will my shame mean pride to you?

Will an answer mean new armour,

Or a brick wall between me and you?

When my hair goes grey and my walking is hobbled

When I grow to tired to sleep

Will I wake and wonder still my Lord

Or will you give me the rest I need?

I understand I know little

I understand, I’m not sure I wish to know more.

All I know

I am Yours

This is sure

My Lord.

Calling for a female.

2010-10-18T20:34:00.000+01:00

Yes I would like a family. Yes I want to be a dutiful wife to a husband whom I love. Yes I wish to serve God.

I wish to serve God and feel I have a calling to ministry. How does this engage with some of the biblical texts that get thrown at us. The struggle I feel is not with my college friends who feel that women should not be with a role of leadership within the church but rather how do you react to those who wish to put these biblical points out to you either as a hinderance or out of pure wishing to understand.

Is my calling and sense of calling belittled by the passages in Timothy and Corinthians?

Although, I will still go and with God's will do what I feel called to wether as a minister and maybe a minister to the armed forces. I think for now its going to be a long struggle to understand deeply the connections and the deep understanding and meaning in these passages. Look like its time for some prayer.

How do you come to terms with some things?

2010-09-12T09:40:00.003+01:00

How do you come to terms with some things?

I just finished a course and placement with the Royal Army Chaplaincy Department. I'm really saddened that my placement have come to an end. Some things shocked me though and I think mostly just through sheer ignorance and not enough understanding or connection with the Army.

The average age of the people I met in the training regiment where between the age of my brother (17) and myself (19) although some were younger, and some were inevitably older.

The infantry regiment I had the pleasure to spend some time with would be the rough age range of the younger end here at Cliff College. 18 to to 22, although again some were older.

However, the average age of a Chaplain, I think was more late 30's mostly within the 40's though.

There are only 5 female chaplains within the RAChD, of about 150 Chaplains in total.

Out of the infantry group that went on a recent tour, if I remember correctly lost five men on their tour.

One of the Chaplains who came of tour just under a year ago whilst on operations lost two of the 18 year olds (which at the time was how I old was) one early on in the tour and one towards the end. We watched a short picture movie of his funeral. It happened with horrendous snow and his brothers in arms shovelled all the snow away from the paths they needed, which was a fair length in total.

I still don’t know where I stand on Just War and I’m not the greatest theologian that ever lived. But my heart was broken for these guys. They just needed someone to talk to outside of the chain of command. Someone who when in the middle of operations and they want to talk about life and death… they can. I was ready to stand around and drink tea and have a supply of sweets. I wanted to be there to be there. I wanted them to know someone did care that someone would remember.

How do I come to terms with the sadness and loss that I feel currently after only spending 10 days with them?

How do I work a way towards a future?

How do you come to terms with some things?

Poem/Song

2010-08-24T10:59:00.000+01:00

I wrote this poem whilst on camp, and one of the leaders and the boys turned into a song. I have the copy with the chords on kinda but as I don't understand chords....

Flames of the Spirit, burn my soul

Cleanse my heart, make me whole.

You've taken my burden

Carried me far

Come O Lord set me on fire

Fill me with your Holy Desire

Water of the Spirit, carry my soul

Clean my heart, make me whole.

Washing away my burden

Carrying me far

Come O Lord Wash me a new

Give me more desire for you

Wind of the Spirit, blow on my soul

Bless my heart, make me whole

Blown away my burden

with me till a far

Come O Lord breathe on me

Make my desire you to seek

Loving Lord and Spirit, you have me soul

Yours is my heart making me whole

Gone are my burdens

You are with me

Come O lord, Come O Lord

I ask: be my desire forever more.

Startfragment

2010-08-22T09:18:00.000+01:00

Its not the end point the journey?
Its not the its the end point?
Its never the start!

We race towards the goal, but we walk along a narrow path. We all started somewhere.

Start fragment. End together. Journey... still being undertaken.

People please bare with me, we all started at different places all on different paths going to one goal. My map might not read the same as yours.

2010-08-13T00:14:00.000+01:00

When they say all is lost

That all things are gone

When they say there is no hope

No way to go on

Don’t give in

Don’t give up

It may not be long till life looks up

Take a cheery smile

And a cuppa tea

Then ask the Lord

A way for you to see

Remember if ever in doubt

And you feel like water without trout

Turn around a short distance

Get in a spin

There I shall be

There once more we are dancing

To the rhythm

To the song

And there we are dancing

Dancing along

The Fellowship of the Believers

2010-07-14T11:24:00.000+01:00

What a journey we are on. In the second chapter of Acts we encounter these verses:

The Fellowship of the Believers

⁴²They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

⁴³Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.

⁴⁴All the believers were together and had everything in common.

⁴⁵Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. ⁴⁶Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts,

⁴⁷praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

When starting Cliff College this was one of the first bible passages we read as a community. For me their are two key points which link directly (kinda) to my life at Cliff College. Firstly "All the believers were together and had everything in common." What! In the community of Cliff, yes we all lived together, but "and had everything in common." Makes me laugh slightly. If there is one thing I can say some of us had nothing in common except through what we had in Christ Jesus. There it is... I am sure the original believers were the same, they most definitely came from different back grounds, had different skills, gifts and talents, they probably had different problems, different annoying habits, different goals and different dreams.Yet they united (which I suppose is an easier way of looking at it) through and because of their faith in Christ. Thats pretty amazing. I have seen many an argument, mainly as I have a brother, and tend to argue with him, there is not much to unite, except on occasions the annoyance parents and how boring church can be. I love that our God and Saviour conquers this. Sometimes we have to surrender all to him, this could include the stuff that is wrong us to create these arguments. We are united in Christ... made common in Christ.

Now being home from Cliffland the words of this passage some up what I miss about the life and the community there.

Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.

We met everyday to pray. We broke bread together, we praised God and we were one, supporting and encouraging in our gifts, working together, enjoying God together. This doesn't mean that at points it wasn't suffocating at all. Our working as community was based upon the communities relationship with God. We sat down an prayed as a community about the milk stealers and those who have not returned books, we sat and rejoiced together about engagements and new families, we sat and mourned the loss of family members close to our friends and our community. We went and shared this with other communities to. Different experiences being lived out in this community made common in Christ.

Working towards a community built upon the foundation of Christ as the cornerstone, I regret to inform those who wish to think that walking with God is this strange land is like floating upon clouds. It is not, people still get it wrong, I still get it wrong, I've been upset and I have upset people. Thank God that he is gracious and merciful, and that he is building a people like him. What a magnificent picture we make when together the light of God shines through.

Christ is our King,

Our Lord divine.

Magnificent and radient

Made as one of Mankind

Uniting us as one in fellowship

Never letting us go.

Its this great God that make us,

Together in his picture.

Yahweh, we exclaim.

You won't relent

2010-07-13T18:07:00.001+01:00

I've spent most of my day listening to the words of this song

You won't relent

Until You have it all

My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart

As a seal upon my arm

For there is love that is as strong as death

Jealousy demanding as the grave

And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until You and I are one

It really does make a great prayer.
It is my prayer today.

It is such a simple song with so much impact and meaning and truth in its words. It's reminder of what God requires and wish from me, what I wish to give to him, the command and the reasons of what power he holds on me, through the death of his Son. I lay my heart before the Lord and ask his Spirit to live within me, his flame, his passion, his love, until I return home.

2010-07-13T12:22:00.000+01:00

I keep looking at these photos.
These moments and memories,
Caught, captured, still.
Lively and beautiful,
Crazy and sad.
They tell a story,
One that no one else can know fully
Glimpses of individuals,
Journeys, paths, parties.
Celebrations of a moment.
I keep looking at these photos.

Call to worship... what with?

2010-07-11T22:59:00.007+01:00

Shout for joy in the LORD, O you righteous!

Praise befits the upright.

Give thanks to the LORD with the lyre; make melody to him with the harp of ten strings!

Sing to him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts.
For the word of the LORD is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness.

He loves righteousness and justice;

the earth is full of the steadfast love of the LORD.

Psalm 33v1-5

I helped lead worship today at Knapton Methodist Church with a service and sermon based on the parable of the Good Samaritan. Yet in the planning of the service we had really not got a clue what to open the service with as a call to worship. When I started to lead worship in the realms of Derbyshire I stumbled across this amazing chapter in the good Book. God actually really loves us. Shocking really, and so often forgotten. God actually really loves. Then of course we should react to this. Yet we no longer live in a world of Lyres - as far as I am aware the lyre is practically medieval - but in a world of beat-boxing and guitars, and electrical bass'. How do we translate this... we can certainly still shout loudly and I have seen a harp played in worship in the last year but worshiping the lord to be thankful for His love... how in our 21st Century, 24/7, busy busy, social media, hyper-connected society?

I suppose their is no right or wrong way, as long as we keep worshiping, following the upright word of the Lord, being righteous and incurring Justice.

Its about remembering that the earth if full of Gods love. The local preach today made a comment today that I cannot remember the full ins and outs of but it went something like this...

"God's love falls on the just, and it falls on the unjust,

but more so on the just because the unjust has the just umbrella."

We worship because God loves us first and we live amongst a community of other believers. So, no lyres, no harps, no shouts, none of the many things.... Love.

Its all about Love

One step, dare you.

2010-07-11T16:37:00.002+01:00

One step, dare you.

Then just another,

Keep on walking,

Past the crowd.

Everyone may be watching,

Some may even take notice,

Some will walk against you,

Some will never see.

Dare you, keep moving,

Keep moving, taking ground,

Solid foundations,

No faking these relations.

Look around see them moving with you,

Listening, different paths,

One destination.

Dare you.

Keep Moving.

Dare you.

2010-07-10T10:18:00.003+01:00

I seemed to have just worked in the last few weeks, its just manic. Crazy manic. I love crazy manic.

And who goes to bed dressed as a Shepherd?

Well a shepherd does.

And light... what about it?

Dr Who- the Pond guide to pray?

2010-06-27T23:52:00.003+01:00

I'm not sure about you, but I am an avid Dr Who. I think the series are pure genius and have been completely enthralled by this new series. In the first episode of the new series, we are introduced to Amelia Pond who starts by praying (rather unorthodoxly) to Santa Clause. Despite it being to Santa Clause I love this section and I feel that in its form and response it is true genius and can be a great note on prayer.

To begin with she apologises for probably waking Santa up since it had been along time since Christmas. This happens doesn't it, sometimes we can go without prayer because until we are scared or in trouble it seems unimportant and irrelevant. This also links to the idea of confession.

She thanks, in this case Santa for her Christmas presence, one of the key aspect of prayer is thanks. We thank God that he give his son, that we are forgiven, that he has given us the holy spirit, that he guides us, is with us, loves and many other things besides.

She asks for someone to come and fix the crack in her wall. A basic desire which she realises is beyond the control of herself and of this world. With child like trust she puts her faith in the prayer she is praying, that an answer will happen.

Then the Doctor arrives. Its a bit abstract, and for the full full answer it takes 12-14 years to correct (sometimes we have to wait.) Sometimes its not easy and you give up but like in this case the Doctor comes back and solves/saves the day, God waits with us, is with us when it is hard, puts people to support us their, and keeps us driven and dreaming of his Glory.

Prayer according to Pond... the Doctors assistant!

The streets of Aylsham

2010-06-10T22:18:00.002+01:00

In the last two days I have had my first example of door to door christianity. To be honest it is something that scares me and in some ways I am not fond of the idea just because it always seems so intrusive, however apart from two men the response in the last two days has been amazingly positive. For me in particular walking down this one road in the local are I was particularly struck by the number of people who had lost a partner in the last 5 years. Was anyone reaching out to them? I shall probably never know, and I do not feel that with my little experience of loss that I could ever be of great service in supporting them. However it was such a blessing to me to see these people, not the youngest deal with what life had thrown at them with such grace and dignity and almost thanks giving. I hope when I lose someone as I inevitably will that I can remember the people I have met today walking the streets of Aylsham, as they are people who have dealt with life.

2010-06-07T11:43:00.006+01:00

When I started at Cliff, one of my first posts simply said this 'I arrived'...

Now what? I haven't left, but I'm not there and it won't be the same. Will next year have the same moment of I have arrived? The question also remains to be asked what had and have I arrived at?

Did I expect to be dubbed the most clumsiest person in college?

Did I expect that my ability to plug in a PA system would lead me to do the AV for Adrian Plass?

Did I expect that my ability to stand up and talk in public to be noticed, challenged and developed in away that I am now on Note as a Local Preacher?

Did I expect the opportunity to do some crazy things, such as paddle through a rocky stream and attempt to climb rocks with and with out a harness?

Did I expect to sing a solo in a Christmas concert?

Did I expect to dye my hair?

Did I expect to let go of so much?

Did I expect to learn how to play poole, darts and table tennis?

Did I expect to feel like did?

Did I expect to go to Tesco's at midnight?

Did I expect to visit an Anglican Church?

Did I expect to apply for a taster course in MOD chapliancy?

Did I ever think I would have the courage to come home for the summer and help with Chaplaincy work in Norfolk?

Or to sit in a service where Puppets Ruled?

Does it matter what I expected? I am who I am now, because God challneged me with the unexpected. HE also placed me in a great support network with great friends! My second post on the day I arrived at Cliff College on my first year sums up a lot.

"At the end of the day..."

"At the end of the day, I am..."

"At the end of the day, God is..."

At the end of the day,

This I want to be.

Created in Your image,

I know that You know me.

I may be scared and tired,

but You are mighty and strong.

When I'm fighting my reality,

And can't find out what's Real,

I pray for rest and peace,

for I know Your loves me seal.

Don't stop

2010-05-10T13:23:00.000+01:00

It is strange, but not that strange, how just one person, often someone you don’t notice can make such a difference. For those who feel invisible never stop striving as you are probably making someone’s world what it is with out realising it.

For

2010-04-27T22:54:00.002+01:00

Died for mockers and beaters,

Stripped for grace and authority,

Shamed for salvation and glory,

Tortured for love and forgiveness,

Tormented for fulness and life,

Crucified to rise,

For you

and

For me.

Hmmm

2010-04-25T08:29:00.002+01:00

it really is no surprise I've had a strange life. But apparently what everyone else is normal stuff to have done by my age, i.e. seen bambi or the lion king is probably not high up on my list, or even on my list. But jumping of the side of a swiss bridge (whilst attached to a safety harness of course) is almost like an average day. Then again I suppose that what makes me me, you can ask me about some of the stranger activities in my life and I probably have some elaborate story to go with, like the time i ended up in a field hospital, the third time round.

2010-04-14T15:50:00.002+01:00

Last year I wrote this... I have returned once more to here:

It suddenly feels like spring agian. The sun is shining, the birds woke me up early with their chirrping, and the world seems greener. The saying goes, that the grass is always greener on the other side but it seems pretty green for me here at the moment. That doesnt mean that life is perfect, there are still leaves from autumn everywhere, the grass is wild and hedge's overgrown, but its a content state of out of control ness, if that makes sense in any way?

so how is the garden of your life? im enjoying the sring coming in the midst of the discombobulating chaos.

Mission Day 10

2010-03-28T23:27:00.002+01:00

I made it back from Mission in Newham after an amazing week: challenge, enthusiasm, difference, experience, team, grace, legacy, opportunity, humility and family... ten words for ten amazing days.

Challenge... I was scared and worried about what I would have to face, the things we would have to do, London, the team the people, it was all a challenege, but God is a God of Challenges.

Enthusiasm... This was when I found my enthusiasm, it was joyful chance. God is a God of Enthusiasm.

Difference... People can make a difference, its all to do about our dreams and visions. And we all live in different worlds with different people, with different dreams and visions. God is a God of Difference.

Experience... its all about seeing what is out their in this world and more than seeing it experiencing it. God is a God of Experience.

Team... We are all a team, we all support each other, work with and for each other, God is a God of our team.

Legacy... Where do we go from here? What now? What mark do we leave? What mark has been imprinted on our hearts? God is a God of Legacy.

Opportunity... You have to take the chances, create the opportunities. Grasp them and run with them. God is a God of Opportunities.

Humility... How can we walk past the lowest on earth and expect to understand them, if we do not serve them? God is a God of Humility.

Family... I started using the word friends but then I realised it was more than that but rather I have more family, a wider family now. God is a God of family.

God is God (in the words of someone I know well) endo!

Mission Day 9

2010-03-28T08:02:00.002+01:00

What is happening in this area. The Olympic Games of 2012. We went to look at the near completion of the stadium from the view tube... to get their I walked along the Green Way and saw a lot of Newham, different types of Newham. It was a strange back drop for the olympic games.

Thos evening however I have helped host a quiz night. It wasn't huge and it wasn't greatly significant but it was family. Family all together, enjoying, having fun.

I was with the people who have helped me grow, learn, experience and enjoy the last nine days. These are the people who although worried and scared of coming on mission have taught me not to fear as I have an amazing God and amazing friends.

Where next, well we will get past church tomorrow, have lunch and travel home and see what awaits me for my next steps

To the glory of your name
I bring to you my life in praise.

How can you accept us?
I’ve seen the work our hands have done
Crazy shameful moments
Time wasters, life suckers
Criminals, hypocrites
Murders, surfers.
Middle class mums
And high class dads
Working class aunts
And vagabond uncles.
Brothers and sisters lost and in pain
Wandering feet and wandering spirits
Life with incredible limits.
Boundaries and walls
I can’t imagine how they can fall
How can your inexhaustible love
infiltrate into this pollution
into a world where you can be moving
yet few see you
and fewer seek you
Such disunity and helplessness

But Lord I have seen your people
Connected, praying, loving
Not judging.
I have seen their passion for you
Their love for your people
Who have answered your call
And stayed true to your word and work
I have seen hearts break with love for these people
And I have seen hearts mended here
I have seen people walk in humility
Walking ever closer to you
They have their eyes on the goal
And are solid in their foundations
Based upon the one true Cornerstone

They are a living for you Lord
And you supply and bless

To the glory of your name
In response
I bring to you my life in praise.

Mission Day 8

2010-03-26T23:28:00.002Z

Taking an opportunity can be great. I've spent my day in a Cafe.

Drinking tea

Chatting to people

Trying to be help

More standing in the way

It was a taken opportunity.

I have been blown away by people in this place, not just the people of Newham but the team I am a part of. They're still there encouraging me when deep inside I've fallen asleep and I'm ready really to give up.

Oh and today I did some knitting :)

Mission Day 7

2010-03-25T22:10:00.002Z

Today has been really good.

What is our legacy?
Our legacy on this place?
What has marked our legacy?
What will be this legacy?

Not just empty question but something for all to think of in any place I feel.

Mission Day 6

2010-03-24T23:23:00.002Z

Once again we went to Stratford to join the Easter Experience crew, which has been amazing. The walk their this morning also gave us a great view of the place, what it is to really walk the streets of London.

Also the lent group this evening where amazing and so willing to ask questions.

Yet tonight I have started to reflect upon the willingness to do things. Are we willing to drop everything and go and do God's bidding at the shortest notices, least of all with little preparation or expectancy?

On this mission I think that is something I am being called to consider as a lot of what we do turn up and see, and do what is needed then and their, being prepared to get stuck in, and just being willing and open to being used. As well as agreeing to assemblies less than 24 hours before hand.

I really pray that God opens my heart and my head to being this willing and just going with his flow more than trying to confine and constrict his amazing power and plans.

Mission Day 5

2010-03-23T21:39:00.002Z

Bx Belshaw is really inspired just by how much much people are willing to give, how far people are willing to go and how desperate they are to share the grace and love of God.

The place of Newham where I'm on mission, just keeps on giving and giving. Not just new experiences and food, but its generosity for life, its love for the people and the passion for God is really hard to comprehend. Let alone get you head around. I've seen God in some strange places, but Newham has really blessed me as God isn't just in strange places, he just is and that is so profoundly obvious.

We looked around a warehouse today with first fruits, and the guys who's behind just has given so much to this area, and he quickly introduced us to his manager for Aspire (a clothing recycle plant type collection thing) who told us about Aspire, and at the end he turned around and said I know some of you will probably looking for jobs soon and theirs just around the corner this opportunity. To me it just showed the willingness to help welcome and supply to all the needs of all they meet.

If I have been so blown away in the first five days of Mission to which I was terrified and apprehensive and kinda willing to do, then what has got planned for the rest of the week to make me more aware of him in this place as the tiredness sets in?

On this note I shared with the Lady who cooked tea for us this evening about how I really hadn't been sure about this Mission and how in some ways I really wanted to escape it and run away, and some time later she said very quietly to me "I'm glad you came," and so am I. It might not be easy but its all about being Christian everyday.

Mission Day 4

2010-03-22T21:45:00.006Z

Today has completely wiped me out. In guiding/camping terms its mid camp blues. Even so today was brilliant till after dinner which became challenging and made me wish to hide and think and have space to myself, and possibly even weep. My team however have been fantastic suport and really recognised that I just need that bit of space.
Tomorrow is a new day in Newham, and I might have slept.

Mission Day 3

2010-03-21T22:36:00.002Z

How do you process all this? This place is just a wonder. Today all I have done is been to church, sat with another family and been to a group who looked at some local stories on the succes of 'messy church' type events, but I have been blown away by the love these people have for the people here, not just to see them come to God but as building a community, and not just as a community but to see them come to God. Add into this the cultural mix which really does show the true diversity of this world, the welcome and caring nature of the greater Church of Christ and the peoples passion.

How can this be made into any form of understanding in my head?

How does this fit into the stereotypes that where put forward as suggestion to what we could be greeted by? How does this fit into the difficulty I thought I had but rather, my difficulty is not struggling with God in the sense of seeing him in the people here, but rather its overwhelming in a sense, yet even then these terms aren't the right way to describe this.

Knowing that I know not a lot, how do I move on to help serve this community in the next seven days?

Moreover, how do I take this experience and serve God with this in every situation I meet?

Mission Day 2

2010-03-20T23:01:00.002Z

Today we went on the Green Street Experience. We had to look for signs of religion, culture, history and boundaries amongst many things. Plus, we where set a challenge. In groups of three or four we had to buy a lunch that was food we had never had before, buy our tea to be cooked when we got back with only one item we vaguely recognised and two veg that we had to find the name, and how to cook it, buy three types of sweets and buy an item of clothing and learn how to wear it: All for Twenty pounds. My team managed it for £19.20.

It threw up some interesting questions. As part of the challenge we bought a head scarf and I wore it as part of the experience, and walking through the street I was stopped by what I believe was a Muslim women dressed with a head scarf who stopped and asked me for money and said 'sister pray for me'. I was unsure of how to respond to this situation. Some how I don't think they would have asked me if I wasn't wearing a head dress.

This evening was Newhams got talent. And they really have. It was great to see the energy supplied by young and old people.

Prayer:

God give us the gift of enthusiasm and patience. Within the world you have created so many unique things, and you love everyone in it. I pray for the continued enthusiasm for all the teams on Mission on Cliff, I also pray for their patience and for the patience for those at college doing work, may their enthusiasm be rich also.

Thank you God for being the God of the unexpected and the different.

We praise you holy and wonderful name.

Amen

Mission Day 1

2010-03-19T23:07:00.002Z

We left, we arrived, and what a place.

Still living on the edge, but what a view currently. I hope everyone else is having an amazing time to.

Prayer points:

Well tomorrows a new day, and we are trying the Green street experience and Newhams Got Talent.

Just bonding with hosts and teams.

Mission -1

2010-03-18T10:07:00.002Z

Its been a real struggle the last fortnight. In college we have learnt so much about mission and always looming was the prospect of going on mission. Then it arrived. suddenly there where teams and planing and prep. There nerves and emotions and fear. For once I didn't keep this to myself which I am prone to do.

Two thing have come out of this:

I have had great support of many brilliant people in varying ways, all of which I needed.
My personal prayer life has increased greatly

Tomorrow I go 'on mission'. I am still terrified. I'm not going to hide that fact, I think that would be unhelpful. I'm possibly not as prepared as I could be, but we can't spend all our lives preparing. I'm possibly not a lot of things, but I assured and reassured that God will use that and what ever I am on top of that, and multiply that for he is a gracious God.

I return to the encouragement a friend in college gave me a week ago Tuesday during corridor prayers:

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1: 6-7

A prayer:

Lord would you walk with me today, use me in a different way

Open my eyes to the opportunities and chance which you give

For its for you in this life I live.

Amen

Today I shake my fist at God

2010-03-05T09:18:00.002Z

In the last few weeks its been really hard to write... I am currently forcing myself to do so.

In recent weeks one of our lectures had an amazing focus on prayer. When talking to various people I have said that it rarely appears as if God is actually speaking to me. The one time I can really pin point this was on my decision to come to Cliff, then it was clear. God provided the answers when I asked in an instant, possibly sooner than I wanted. I'm human - never contented.

Last night I was at the pub, with two friends from college. We got to a stage where we were comfortable chatting and we were discussing our futures. Some advertising campaign would say the futures bright, the futures orange (although I'm more of the nature 'we are better connected') but our futures where different. One friend is thinking of politics, which she would be amazing at. Arguing and battling for Christ in the realms of words and social justice. The other wished to change the life of one council estate. A job which I would struggle to do. Such a noble process to change the world, in any way. I tell you this even though it has not much to do with my story due to the fact that we all had a plan, but in a way we were not overly sure. My plans have started to be formed in a way. Due to an advert around college I am trying to apply to do an Army Chaplaincy intro course over the summer. We where sharing how I suppose 'our hearts were warmed'. Yet I am still unsure of this notion.

God has been speaking to me though. When I have expressed the interest to lectures here at college in the need for letters, and support, most have said 'no you would be really good at that', which in itself has been a real positive affirmation, but as I expressed to my friends last night it wasn't really enough. Yet this morning I was reading a new book I bought (which is actually a really old book) which was looking at prayer and war, I sat in my room going oh! why today? Things continued in a moment, ignore the usual morning rigmarole in the Ikea lounge, morning prayers soon ensued, and it was on war, they praying for men at war and those affected by war and those who work with people at war. One of my friends who I had been sat in the pub with last night, turned at the point they mentioned people going to work with those at war, and I was like GGGGGODDDDD! *shakes fists*

What do I do now?

Lets try something different: The evening it started!

2010-02-13T10:32:00.003Z

Last night I felt challenged to try something different, and whilst I sat in the Ikea lounge at college with four other friends, I persuaded them to the something different this reading week too.

That was the beginning last night alone we made music in stomp style as well as a girly makeover evening.

In the midst of trying something different it was nice to have those who where slightly familiar with hair and make up.

Below is the definition of different as taken from my mac dictionary.

different |ˈdif(ə)rənt|adjective1 not the same as another or each other; unlike in nature, form, or quality : you can play this game in different ways. | (different from/than) the car is different from anything else on the market.
• informal novel and unusual : try something deliciously different.

So I say "Bring on the rest of this week...." :D

the end of a normal week

2010-02-12T17:07:00.002Z

Time for reading week here at College, that means the place will empty apart from the hardy stalwarts. This will probably mean an amazing peace and emptiness will descend upon the college. I am slightly looking forward to this. I am helping some days next week with my placement church in the mornings to help run a children's club. Although most, look at me as if I am mad when I say I am going to do this, I am looking forward to something different.

Something different, maybe that should be my motto for next week....

LETS TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

On to the chapel floor

2010-02-07T18:33:00.003Z

Once again I can be found on the floor of the chapel. This is where I come to pray and think and just spend some time with God, sometimes alone, sometimes not. Upon the chapel floor my attention turned to this post on a brothers sight www.eremosanemos.com it really blessed me.

This week has had its challenges, preached my first sermon, which was exciting, and took part in a musical in a day as a dancer. However, the biggest challenge for me has been something else...

Its odd, the word cost has come up so much in the last few days. What is the cost of being here, doing this? What is the cost of being a Christian; of being a disciple; of being an apprentice? What is the cost of being a pioneer, of using practical theology, of really caring? What is the cost of my heart, of my emotions, of myself? What am I willing to give up? What will others give up? What did He give up?

The word cost in itself is often painful. Sometimes a cost can be joyful, but more often than not, it is a heart wrenching pain. I was about yesterday in the realms of Derbyshire.

Why has God brought me here? Usually even though I am still unsure I know its right, but today, not so in any case.

God why am I here?

So many people are questioning things, and asking why life is complicated. I can see so clearly the cost they have had in their lives.

One seems so much in pain from emotions that they seem to want to disappear. Why? Why can I see the cost of their feelings, causing them to hate what they think they need to do, the place where they need to be? ‘why is life so complicated?’

Another was confused by a proposal, a decision that was wanted, do I do this, do I do that? Do I stick with this place, or do I possibly fast track three, four maybe five years down the line to where I want to be. ‘why is God ruining my life, why is life so complicated?’

One more had lost what they saw as their future. They where questioning what to do now. Confused. ‘Why is life so complicated, why?’

... what is my cost in this life time, why am I here?

Once again I found myself brought to the floor of your chapel Lord. I'm face down in confusion, not just for me but for everyone, but I will continue to shout your praise because You are my God forever

2010-02-05T07:41:00.002Z

It's early ish in the morning, most ordinary uni students would still be enjoying the fact that they could be sleeping off last nights hangover, even here in the world of Cliff the place is still calm and quiet. People ask why do you get up early, it's not always as easy as I make it seem, but it's partially about knowing that there is a moment of piece in the world. A chance of some time for me. I sometimes wonder if people see me busy running around and not always taking the chance to sit still and take some me time, well a lot of it is caught at glimpses in the morning. a chance to be quiet, reflect and pray. Of course their is the tea and coffee round, which is one of my favourite times of the day, as then I know I'm not alone in the solitude, and the rest of the world will wake up soon too.

2010-01-27T22:41:00.000Z

Here we are Lord

You bring us here

You have given us purpose

A reason

You gave us a teacher

Who showed us how

But what can we do now

I see so much wrong in this world

I just cant understand

And on occasion Lord

I’m not just sad but I’m also mad

It becomes hard to see you

Harder to lean on you

Harder to serve you

It becomes tiring

So tiring Lord

I stumble weary along this road

My light growing dim

I just want to be honest...

2010-01-17T19:06:00.003Z

I just want to be honest...

Some times all it is, is a brave face, please remember that.

Packing

2010-01-15T12:13:00.004Z

It so odd returning to places. My home when I was there no longer felt like home and returning to cliff feels like I've never left, it's enough to drive a girl a little insane. Its definitely tough though, I thought this when packing, its one of my least favourite task that I ever have to do. Whats even more disconcerting is that I forever seem to be packing. This year alone I packed stuff to go to work, to go to a friends to return to cliff, shopping. Ou lives involve so much packing and unpacking we don't even realise it any more. It makes me sad. I do it so obliviously nowadays that it can't be good. How many worries, dreams, hopes, and disasters have I packed in these bags with them hoping that they won't re-appear. It's not so bad when you pack in a hurry, your thinking more oooh what if I forget this, but when you have the day or have to take what has been your home down with you, you remember all the things that have been packed away in bags for to long, old friends, memories of different camps or homes or places.

There is a lot in this packing and its just to tough.

I worry that one day I will literally and metaphorically pack everything away in a bag and leave. Leave what I know, what I love, what I dream, what I despise, what makes me cry. What if I pack up God? What happens then?

Who am I

2010-01-12T10:37:00.002Z

339 days have gone buy, 126 thoughts have found it on to the page. Change of location, change of ideas, new friends, new list of music, new year, new traditions. New Person?

Who am I now. Well my name is Rebecca Elizabeth Belshaw, although I am commonly known as Bx.

I am no longer studying for A levels, but rather the first year of a degree at Cliff College.

I no longer permanently reside in Norfolk with my family, but have residence at Uni in the beautiful land of the Peak District.

I still have a job but have moved out of the kitchens and on form the hours of breakfast cooking and waitressing and into the late shift hours of bar work, which means I can pull a successful pint whilst working out the price and talking to the customer about the snow.

I, after many years of escaping it, know what it is like to sit in a real A&E (and not a field hospital) for myself having more than one visit for myself in 2009, and a further three visits for other people.

I became a worship leader for the Methodist Church, after three years.

I became very close to completing my adult leadership as a Brownie Leader, just one more section to go, I also abandoned all hope of doing my D of E.

More first for the 339 days:

first drive on a motorway
first summer camp as a leader
first drink in a pub
first game of poole
first crash
first battle of the bands
first amazon order with my own money
first car gone
first disaster on a motorway
consequently first sermon

I have learnt a lot of things this year, like pricing strategies are important, how to hold an interview, how to take part in an interview. I've learnt a bit (the progress is on going) about Audio Visual Aids, a bit about evangelism, a bit about subjects I didn't think I would ever understand like Amos and the Old Testament. I have discovered new ways of study, ways that people complain and worry about but it works for me. I've learnt about knowing when to keep quiet, and that laughing at people really does freak them out when your not actually laughing at them but the grapes.

I've let go of things to, control, friends, things that bug me, an ideal, I let go of my odd colour converse in pink and blue, but for them I did find a replacement.

Some things don't change though, I'm still clumsy, if not even more clumsy, I still like to sing around a camp fire and I still am willing to make a fool out of myself. I still like to write but no longer feel it is all that is keeping me sane. I have some good friends for that now, as like ever my time seems in short supply and I still struggle to say no, and then struggle through.

I still have amazing friends, some maybe new but I will tar them with the same brush for now, and I still know that God has a plan for me, I think I have stopped asking what now, even though I still have no clue. As tomorrow is a new day, and soon it will be over, and the next appeared, worrying about the one after that is hardly going to help today.

So who am I, I am the author of this blog, 18, a Christian and holding fast to light, I should also be revising Amos, this is Me!

Organic growth, I say pah to that

2010-01-06T21:36:00.002Z

I have a particular sorrow going round my head today. It hasn't been a great day, I've been grouchy and annoyed, but in the midst of the work that was started very late on in the afternoon I can't help feel sad over an incident that happened before I left for Cliff. Before I had the knowledge of what I was trying to voice.

I was sat in a meetin which was open door to any church member and anyone else that wished to attend could have done. For a church meeting it was well attended their where a good 35 plus people. The meeting was about the worship life of my church. There where many points that I wasn't sure I agreed with.There where many points I did. There where many splits and divides in the group. Then there was this statement:

"our church will organically grow"

I remember it well, I started out confused - what did this mean, then I was more, it's hard to explain, I think I was annoyed as I knew this really wasn't going to work. As a church we needed to be in our community. People die staying in their house an never venturing out, they miss out on the food and the fellowship that make us grow. Moving in a community outside our church makes us grow. We grow when we face people who have different values to us and make us rethink our position, we grow stronger as a church, and a s a local community, withering and dying behind our walls because we have no sunlight, no mix to make us grow, because we decided to be 'organic' is never going to help. My church doesnt feel like a dying church on a sunday but sometimes I wonder it might, and I worry I can't stop that. They are lovely and I love my church, but a few seem to have lost the fight. That keeping to their pews on a Sunday will help, but as a church we don't need to be seen to be doing any formal outreach. I didn't know how to speak.

I'm not sure I know how to speak now; but more than ever I feel we as a church, not just my small church in town, but as a church of Christ, we should be doing something!

So the lighting!

2009-12-28T18:08:00.004Z

It's a rather popular phrase of mine.

"So the lighting!" It really does work in awkward situations, silences and when there is nothing else to say. Now said in many situations that just need that extra bit of uplighting to make the moment comedic, worthwhile or back to earth.

Yet what about the lighting. Winter is a dark season, so easy to hide in. We measure winter because it is cold, but it is cold because it is dark. It seems a bit of a juxtaposition that this current season we celebrate an event to do with such great light, yet live in the dark.

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." Isaiah 9:2. During the deep of winter we celebrate the birth of the light to the world. We light up our houses with fairy lights, put lights on the tree, light candles for that nice atmosphere, and sometimes that fragrant winter smell. We stick on more lights to see by, lights to read by, take out torches to walk to work in the evening, and use our car lights at any time of the day. We have this artificial lighting because the sun seems so distant. When outside during winter and when the sun shines - however rare - its a more dazzling light, stronger and weaker at the same time. Where is the light of our world amongst us this season, amongst the flashing bulbs and twinkling lights? Have we forgotten that the infant born into our world, who lived among us and died as one of us also rose again and is still a living God?

SO THE LIGHTING?

Are we colder in the dark? Are we truly good lighting? Are we a shining example of our Living God? Matthew 5:14-16 talk about the followers of Jesus, saying:

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

It's not easy being this example. I find it often leads to further questions, how can I be a christian example in this situation, let alone a good christian example. Yet within me there is such a desire to be this light that I often get lost in how best to shine.I suppose that comes with knowing more about God and myself and where this life leads whilst I walk on this earth.

SO THE LIGHTING?

So to leave you with two questions to ponder:

Where is the light?

Are we shining?

SO THE LIGHTING?

I am happy

2009-12-13T17:57:00.002Z

I'm really happy. I felt I have to share this... kinda like the pig of happiness! have to share. nI'm slowly beginning to feel like christmas, still haven't wrapped any presents or written (or bought any cards) its all a bit of a mess really. it's only twelve days to go.. what 12 when did this happen.

The advent calendar helped. it seems more real when you count it down. that means when i go home there will only be 8 days till christmas, i still won't have done any shopping, or christmas cards and we will be on our last candle on the advent ring at church, this also means that besides the nativity carol concert thing the first time i will be at church is christmas day! thats slightly hard to comprehend. its also slightly sad that i won't be at Bakewell Methodist, for that is where I have spent my advent season so far in terms of church. their nativity today was a bit of genius. not only that they are such an open and friendly church, welcoming, willing and amazing with everyone.

This week is looking quite busy, tomorrow is the college cabaret, there is probably something on on tuesday as well, wednesday is our christmas dinner, and thursday is the carol concert, friday we leave. No rest for the wicked and all that.

I can't deny the fact that I am in fact looking forward to enjoying the last week here with some amazing people. I am in fact very happy about this!

Campfire Moments

2009-12-07T20:25:00.003Z

It's weird, later tonight I have a chance to do something I really love. I'm really excited - it possibly expresses how sad I am in a big way - but it's something that I can do. I can quite happily make a fool of myself among a family of people I love and trust, singing camp fire songs and playing funny games. It's something I have done for many years, with many friends, different songs, different places. Always filled with laughter, a little bit of love, and always the caution of do not trip over into the fire, or do not walk across my table.

I love campfires as well, there is something truly magic about the fellowship found around the shadows of the fire, the way the fire itself is captured in a magic dance. There is often food as well, which tastes magnificent when cooked after a long day of activities, just before you go to bed under the light of the stars, in the fresh air, among good friends.

A campfire in my eyes express' what is good in our world, the magic, the awe, the wonder, fellowship, friendship, family, love, laughter, lightness, feasting, festivity, and frivolity, maybe some foolishness, a moment which you never want to end, the smoke in your eyes, a group joke. Its what our life should be about, the campfire moments.

Another post

2009-12-04T16:38:00.002Z

Its strange what other people can do for you. I suppose it's also strange what you can do for other people.

I have had so much support since coming to Cliff, and I can see that Cliff is doing so many great things. The People here are really amazing, and I know I am privileged to be among those with such great gifts and talents. However living in a community has its problems as well, and the last few weeks have been really tough not just on myself, but also on many others.

I've had many discussion with people about things over the last few weeks, my post the other day on my dreams is one of them, the other a few more weeks back was much needed as I had lost the feeling that I was meant to be here. I was fighting with myself, and with God, and with people because nothing seemed to fit. I had and still have concerns about friends and family, and life was just seeming a little bleak. It was getting to the point where my often carefully covered emotion where very clear for people to see my discontent. Whilst chatting with many, one really stood out. There is an amazing man with a very welcoming family here at college who sat and told me I was meant to be here, he had watched me plan something in a lecture and had seen a talent in my nature.

Now thinking about it through all this time I've been more than a little down, and things have been going wrong, people keep building me up more and more. Just the today someone told me they would hire me for a job - if they had a job to offer me - because I was hard working and always have a smile.

Its often the strangest things that can build us up the most. A little shamelessly, Ali Johnson made me aware of a Blog he had started (Ali. J. also is the main man behind Natwivity, and works with the evangelist department here at college as a student evangelist) it was his Friday Friend (a college friend of mine) that really spoke very loudly to my soul.

"Trust in the lord always as he is your rock forever" Isaiah 26 -4

Its true.

Time to get back to trusting and stepping out of the boat in faith!

What about my dreams?

2009-11-30T21:07:00.003Z

oh what a day to experiment. all the better with friends who are just amazing. Strange songs in the back ground, amusing tea point decor. This is the life for me. ( been watching to much POTC). Timeless classics, stories to tell the grandchildren, when I find someone to marry that is.

Maybe also when life calms down. Calm Life? whats that, whats that

to little time, so many dreams.

I have so many dreams, but never enough time to share them, let alone address them . I know people care, I really do. Its just the time, the lack of it, and the lack of people who also have the time to spare to listen, and that i wont be to embarrassed to share with I suppose.

So what about my dreams.

They are all pipeliners currently.

WEB 2.0

2009-11-24T14:44:00.003Z

It's time like these when I don't want to write that I feel it is probably better that I do.

There was a really interesting question or thought in our lecture today, which was can a blog, like the one I type be used as a tool for evangelism. Struck by the changing world and web 2.0 do we need to bring our resources and tools used in evangelism and in church up to date.

I mean I joined Twitter - in a moment of madness - to find out more about natwivity (http://twitter.com/Natwivity) because I kinda knew the person doing it. Yet everyone has access to twitter, if they have access to the internet. Everyone has access to this blog, and many other great Christian writers blogs, if they have internet access.

Why are we not as a church using resources like this more

today is the day to step out in faith

2009-11-05T11:35:00.003Z

Sitting on my windowsill I can tell you it's raining.

Sometimes you have to sit on the edge of life looking at the warm and cozy knowing you have to step out into the cold, slightly terrifying, rainy world. However I do not have a ground floor room and the drop currrently would cause much physical pain so I don't think I will try it. But if we go back to the metaphorical-ness of it, I feel thats where I am at.

Sometimes it takes a surreal moment to understand that.

Today I have taken to communions, I always find taking a communion quite a personal experience, and sometimes I will sit and watch others take communion because of its immense power. Today I took part into very different communion services, the first was reasonably formal and traditional. A larger group, Bread and wine (or grape juice), liturgical pattern, ordained presence and it was moving, it was compulsory. I always wonder how many people take communion like this as they feel that they have to?

The second was very informal, a small group of five friends, five fellow travellers, very off the cuff in the middle of a lecture with a wispa bar and some blackcurrant squash. We had prayer, we wanted to be there. We where sharing, we where blessed by God. I wasn't alone.

I live in such a blessed community, where I can come as I am, trips, falls, craziness and madness, and belong to the body of Christ, as well as belong to Christ.

Today is the day to step out in faith, I feel.

Rain

2009-11-01T10:06:00.002Z

I love the rain. It's quite lonely though. I could be the only person in the world like now. it seems so empty. Void of humanity, and less like what it should be. Although there is something in the emptiness is nice. It is relaxing, peaceful and untroubled. I'm not sure the rain will last, but whilst I'm here and it is raining, I'm going to make the most of it.

just another clumsy day, just another post.

2009-10-27T21:35:00.003Z

They wrote me a song. It takes the mic, I'm not sure I care. It's true. I have actually become more clumsy.

Thats without my great love of studying in obscure places. Where to sit tomorrow... slightly tempter by the outside again, it was most enjoyable today. The cold makes you type quicker just to make sure you keep warm and you think to take your mind off being slightly uncomfortable. Plus being slightly cold and uncomfortable was strangely nice. A lot better than sitting on a sofa.

Like the tea point, slight draft, tiles and a bit off height, hey presto work, work, work.

Small square in wall outside, probably the odd spider, drizzle, chilly and well stone, and more work, work and work. I'm not sure how many new places I'm going to be able to find in college, so maybe I should work quicker!

So any ideas of place to sit (where people won't complain about ways of me possibly injuring myself) let me know as I'm slowly getting stuck.

It was one thousand words in study skills

2009-10-20T16:46:00.000+01:00

He called me here.

I am not sure how. I am not really sure when. It happened though. Here I am.

So what comes next. Can not stay bubble wrapped forever.

What Lord comes next? What will happen to me? What will happen to them? What will happen to us? It is tough right. Really rough, really tough.

I sometimes feel so see through, whilst sometimes I feel invisible. Tough, right?

I’m the same as everyone else.

Just the same as everyone else.

I don’t fit in though!

Who does?

I want to make a stand, be brave, brace the world, be understanding! Will I be known for this. Maybe for my crazy hair brained ideas? Maybe for my personality? Maybe for my looks?

Will these be positive or negative. Will I be worth it. Will we be worth it?

Am I clear? Am I clear in who I am, and what I’m here to do. Obviously not, what about RAF chaplaincy, I would have to train. How long does it take to train. Would I candidate? Will I have a family to worry about, a partner. Could I cope with RAF chaplaincy. The deaths, the multiple death’s, confusion on war. The harsh reality. People don’t always come back. I suppose it is like that in the real world; The real world outside here, outside Cliff, outside RAF chaplaincy as well.

What else could I do. I feel so encapsulated by my faith that I’m not entirely sure how to step outside of it.

Pastoral care, I do like to listen. I like to help, but then I sometimes I get dragged in, so dragged in to the problems.

I might have led a boring unexciting life, but I’m no longer sure that’s true? One day I may decide.

Reflection, Lord maybe I should pray more, reflecting on my essay. I should pray before everything I do, maybe read scripture as well? Something is going to have to happen.

I should go gnome it. Maybe I should chat to someone

Local preaching, maybe Nicola she will tell it to me straight.

Talking about writing a sermon, how about the prodigal son? I like that passage, and we all escape right? We all escape. I suppose I’m going to have to get used to writing sermons, it’s going to be that isn’t it. I’m not sure I can run from this any more. They all know it I suppose I should except it.

Should i be footnoting this work [1]? So 1000 words, and I only have half an hour left, half an hour. So much reading to do. Now would be a great chance I suppose. Time in life you can’t get back. I think I think I know what I’m going to write. By the end of reading week I will have done two assignments. Poor second years, they sometimes they seem so down trodden. Really must answer the question. I keep going back to it. Maybe talking to Andrew or someone separate but friendly James C mayhaps, Tara?

Uh oh tutorial I think I may have forgotten it. And I have an art meeting in half an hour, think I may be leaving stuff here and taking it up on the way to tear. Am I fearful. Am I sign posting. It’s raining. Yesterday the trees where on fire, or at least the hills looked like they where burning, that they where smouldering. I’m in a bubble wrap wedding dress. I must be crazy. I just got a text[2]. I wonder who from.

Highlighting, my high school maths teacher used to be scared of my highlighters and me, it worked though, highlighting number, didn’t work with words. I have written the equivalent to the main body of text for a thousand words, just now an introduction and a conclusion. Legitimate, what a word, looking in the thesaurus other words I could have used where lawful or reasonable. I possibly could have used the word genuine; Genuinely a nice word! Wow! Different fonts, that’s how to confuse people. I really do not like the pin stripe tie form on PowerPoint. It really does not work. I saw Bob Marley and black beard the pirate walk past the lecture room window. I must be going mad. No it’s just the letter B day here at college. That’s how things go I suppose? I’m looking forward to the games this afternoon.

I’m not sure I like to plan, someones just left the room. No it’s a bit crazy. A lot crazy. Happily so. No, I don’t like to plan, I like to go with the flow, always prepared but like the flow. Sudden movement is not good.

Poor boy, he really looks lost and annoyed. Want to give him a hug to tell him it will all be fine. That is the problem with having friends, is that you actually start to care. You really start to care. It could be this place. I found sometime in the space to be me, to feel accepted.

So what would I write to conclude. I took half an hour on footnotes this lecture, I can also wear these boots they are incredibly comfortable.

I want to sit on my gnome spot and I do love my changing screen saver.

I still have a lot o f questions to ask., I haven’t got it solved. I still need to chat to someone but oh well. There are people, friends out there who I can do that with. I could wear a hat, that would be rather spiffing. Church tomorrow, and church on Sunday. The parentals are comng down to. I reall hope MD comes save me answering where he is, when I have no idea? I also never want to drive in to Sheffield again. It was very scary if not amusing. Subway tasted good in the end, very good. I think this lecture would have been better if we had just spent the time reading the hand book. It’s what I have taken away.

[1] The answer would be yes. See I can do it!

[2] From my placement partner about an email address

2009-10-20T13:37:00.001+01:00

Yesterday, here it seemed that the hills where on fire, autumn was taking hold and the pheonix was dying.

Today it's raining.

Tomorrow...

who knows?

2009-10-20T13:37:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, here it seemed that the hills where on fire, autumn was taking hold and the pheonix was dying.

Today it's raining.

Tomorrow...

who knows?

moved to the bottom of the cross

2009-10-11T20:29:00.002+01:00

Sometimes in our lives we are quite literally moved to the bottom of the cross,

I think today I'm just wondering what that means for me now, currently, at this time, and what I'm to do now that I find myself here?

2009-10-03T20:38:00.000+01:00

How amazing is it to feel at home. I have found this amazing spot to sit in college. its a square kind of tower post upon the terrace, high enough up for people not to notice you especially in the dark. Felt like a gnome though, but the cold rushing wind, the voice of the almighty God rushing past my ears was immense, sometimes you have to be chilled to the burn to understand the warmth of God

2009-09-25T20:04:00.002+01:00

Living in a community has really got something about it. It has it's up and downs. Currently on a great up. Watching a movie in our student digs.

It's very funny.

Something about sitting with friends makes me feel happy, only keeping half an eye on the movie but it's amusing.

Time for a time and a moment to soon

It's lost upon me the sun at noon

Cause of an action

Statement of life

It's a placement of Jesus

A moment of God

A filling of the Spirit

I hope with open heart

And hand of faith

that my action will

of course prevail

when timelessness feels craziness

I know that following you is best

For Jesus I can proclaim

or shout or whisper to

to show that you are my King

To all to see him here in me.

Let me be known for you

For the things you give me strength to do

its as dark as night but i see it like day

2009-09-20T22:55:00.002+01:00

Some may class it as writers block but the last few day's I've really been struggling to find words to say. Out loud or in my head, hand written or typed. I've really struggled with the darkness. I really like the dark theres very little pretence, or barriers or walls. You can't see so you let your guard down, I often feel safe, I can laugh I can cry I can smile in a scary fashion or pull a funny face. I am safe.

But these last few days the dark has turned menacing almost. the refuge often found against the light where the whole pretending thing can happen hasnt been there. Now I know it's strange to seem to mix the ideas of dark and light up but this is me. and it's unnerving to find my often safe space to bright for comfort. Maybe God's telling me something!

I believe in:

2009-09-19T11:23:00.003+01:00

I believe in:

In JESUS, GOD and the HOLY SPIRIT
in encouragement
in enthusiasm
in loving
in forgiving
in journeys
in hope
in faith through action
in service
in listening
in enjoying what I do
in singing
in making the best out of all situations
in handshakes
in hugs
in comforting
in steadying
in being prepared
in smiling

As this is what I believe in, let me be known by it!

2009-09-18T07:35:00.002+01:00

Of course that passage in Isaiah is someone great. I said I was scared, which I still am but the answers there in the passage...

¹ But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

And today?

2009-09-17T23:17:00.002+01:00

Did something amazing happen or was it just another day?

I think sometimes you have to remember that everyday is an amazing day. A day where maybe things go right, or wrong, that it goes to plan, or it really doesn't. I feel I often take for granted the days, and they soon turn into weeks and them into months and before you know it the years passed and you can't remember where it went. I have often wished my time along, wanting for something.

It's also hard to often see the part that God plays in everything. This week has been a real eye opener for me.

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43: 1-2

This week has been very much a constant reminder that God has called me by name, which is scary, and humbling, and confusing, and overwhelming. I keep trying to process this information and I keep failing some what spectacularly. Surely my reaction should be one of joyous enthusiasm and un-contained excitement, which don't get me wrong part of it is that, but a bigger part goes I'm really, really, really scared. People have asked this question all week "so why are you here at Cliff college?". Well I'm here because it felt like home, but I'm here because he called me by name. I've made some fantastically big decisions here at Cliff, and there are plenty more to come, but right now I really am only just keeping my head above water and I'm scared!

Open doors.

2009-09-17T18:26:00.002+01:00

On occasions I'm slightly claustrophobic, I like space, and feeling part of something. Plus I like to watch people, and greet people and randomly chat to people. It's shocking!

I try to have an open heart as well. I find that you learn so much more, enjoy so much more.

Well today has been interesting and probably my most challenging today so far at Cliff, I've felt really funny all day. I can't say that I miss home but I could really just do with a hug and a good cry and at the moment I'm struggling to allow my vulnerability show to allow me to cry. There's nothing really in particular that I want to cry about. Just been such a hectic week, busy and new.

It has been good for me in some ways though. I started to make a movie upon freedom. Freedom's a fantastic concept, I feel more free the more I am bound to the cross. Sometimes as in all places the restrictions get to you but often the restrictions are liberating, motivating, encouraging, and essential.

It's life, so live it in all its freedom!

Just another post on just another day

2009-09-17T07:20:00.001+01:00

What can today bring, right? It's just another day in the run of the mill week, sitting somewhere within the year, in which there is numerous of decades either side. What can be different about today? We shall have to wait and see.

quiet day and Hawaiian dancing

2009-09-16T22:42:00.002+01:00

yes it can be mixed apparently.

What a blast. God has really spoken to me in the last few days. He has made me know that he has called me by name! it doesn't matter whether I think there is someone better for the job, or whether I'm confused about why, it's up to God.

Just some rubber ducks!

2009-09-16T07:34:00.002+01:00

It's quite bizarre that sometimes the unexpected happens. I really don't understand why this is inevitably such a shock! None of it is an accident either, it just happens as God intends and that we are often unaware off.

Today my God is the God if the unexpected...

So, a random fact about yourself?

2009-09-14T23:00:00.003+01:00

How awesome is the power of a random facts about people?

Right here are a few of mine:

I'm a Brownie Leader in training
I will quite often wear odd shoes
I lived in Germany at a young age
Longest bus journey I've taken was 38 hours
I do like the film robin hood prince of thieves
I can shoot with either hand
I like playing frisbee
I went to the 21st World Scout Jamboree
I like typing/writing
I like Kayaking and other adventurous things

So there we go. See now I would love to know what vegetable people would be and why but no one ever asks that!

Getting to know new people is never easy, and I always worry that I seem so detached. I'm quite happy to talk about the small things like the weather (currently cold), where I come from (Norfolk[ish]), favourite colour (blue) and what vegetable would you be (a potato as they can pretty much cope with anything). But the bigger stuff, the stuff which makes you vulnerable is so hard. I've grown up I suppose in a manner where you don't do the vulnerable stuff as it leads at attachment and that's to hard if they move or I move, and i don't suppose it's ever really bothered me much before, no one has really ever wanted me to be like this, they're quite happy to keep me at a distance and let me cope with myself and often them. Yet I don't know whether I'm beginning to feel more ready to be open to sharing, or whether God wants me to be more open in sharing or rather I feel that in the current place I'm in it's just gonna happen and I'm going to have to like it and lump it is probably irrelevant. I think it's time to cope with doing something new, not be so afraid of it.

At the end of the day

2009-09-13T23:06:00.002+01:00

"At the end of the day..."

"At the end of the day, I am..."

"At the end of the day, God is..."

At the end of the day,

This I want to be.

Created in Your image,

I know that You know me.

I may be scared and tired,

but You are mighty and strong.

When I'm fighting my reality,

And can't find out what's Real,

I pray for rest and peace,

for I know Your loves me seal.

2009-09-13T09:20:00.001+01:00

I arrived!

2009-09-05T19:22:00.002+01:00

one last time

sitting in the dark

so far away

so distant

the voices create

six years have gone

the darkness edges closer

around these keys

as i type

the ever gotten

time wasted

breath abated

poetry debated

me slated

2009-09-04T00:14:00.002+01:00

It seems like a night for nightmares,

I shall try and hold on to the day,

Forever is slipping by my fingers,

and I think I've forgotten how to pray.

I sip down another cold drink

realise my ninth in a night

can't remember when i was sober

I would give my family a fright.

Tomorrow maybe my last day

Shall I go out and do this again

shall i pack it all in to find life once more

is that an even worse end.

What if tomorrows my turn,

to end up impaled on a knife

what if the drink is the reason

to take away my one life.

Forever holds out past the window

it runs like hell on speed

it looksa lot worse than i thought

unless i just took lsd.

He told me his life was his only

I told him to slow down and think

he got drunk one night in some far away town

And him again I never did see

Someone wake me up from this nightmare

Someone wake me up from this dream

I know that day break is near again

but what if this turn s out to be my reality

2009-09-03T19:12:00.002+01:00

I like to swim, but has anyone else stared at the underneath of the surface of the water, and been completly blown away by it's beauty?

I make it no secret that I can get truly and deeply transfixed on water.... Isnt it amazing...

***

Come to the living water

drink from the fountain of life

Know the things that he's told us

The things we have come to believe

Allowed by faith to grab us

Hold us, teach us,

Help us, keep us.

For Jesus is the living water

2009-09-02T21:20:00.002+01:00

To think two weeks from now everything will be different, strangely enough everything two weeks ago was different two.

Life is an adventure though. You just have to say "yes". Right?

And a journey, I suppose all journeys are adventures.

I have to say thank goodness for my friends, as without there continued support I would possibly freaking out right now.

Moving out so much doesn't bother me, moving out of my room whilst still living at home has.

But life is an adventure, so time to step out in faith. Once I'm driving I will be fine,

there's just nine days before then .........

I think it's time for some more prayer

just another post on just another day

2009-08-24T17:04:00.003+01:00

And I stand here, before you my Lord

When I think I’m only just holding on to the hem of your cloak

In reality it’s not quite the same

If I turned round to face you see heaven and earth

Find grace in an instant

At your love outburst

To see you hold me so tight to your chest

Heart wrenching emotions cry out we are blessed

And I know in reality you’ve saved me

I’ve seen that you see me at my best

You’ve given your Son for eternity

And to you LORD I give you the rest

And as I look to the world, my Lord

So distant and partial to the hem of you’re cloak

The reality bites down hard

I see some hope in the brokenness of earth

Need feeding on grace

And an outburst of love

Some to reach out it arms pull it tight to your chest

So that they all know that they are blessed

And I know in reality you’ve saved us

You see this world at its best

You’ve given your son for eternity

Lord it’s time to give you the rest

2009-08-21T20:29:00.000+01:00

time to make a stand

change the world

2009-08-15T16:37:00.003+01:00

When we see this sleeping world

that casts a silent glory

we mostly miss the reasons we love it

it's all our individual stories

****

And then they saw you

they saw you there

on a moment held fast by those around

there memories surrounded

opposition ground

as there they saw you

they could smell you touch you taste you

then you spoke to them and their whole beings listened to you

soul met God in a moment

where clarity was lemon

and pancakes wouldnt have tasted better

you took them out of the maze

You are the only one