Tuesday, October 27
Tuesday, October 20
He called me here.
I am not sure how. I am not really sure when. It happened though. Here I am.
So what comes next. Can not stay bubble wrapped forever.
What Lord comes next? What will happen to me? What will happen to them? What will happen to us? It is tough right. Really rough, really tough.
I sometimes feel so see through, whilst sometimes I feel invisible. Tough, right?
I’m the same as everyone else.
Just the same as everyone else.
I don’t fit in though!
I want to make a stand, be brave, brace the world, be understanding! Will I be known for this. Maybe for my crazy hair brained ideas? Maybe for my personality? Maybe for my looks?
Will these be positive or negative. Will I be worth it. Will we be worth it?
Am I clear? Am I clear in who I am, and what I’m here to do. Obviously not, what about RAF chaplaincy, I would have to train. How long does it take to train. Would I candidate? Will I have a family to worry about, a partner. Could I cope with RAF chaplaincy. The deaths, the multiple death’s, confusion on war. The harsh reality. People don’t always come back. I suppose it is like that in the real world; The real world outside here, outside Cliff, outside RAF chaplaincy as well.
What else could I do. I feel so encapsulated by my faith that I’m not entirely sure how to step outside of it.
Pastoral care, I do like to listen. I like to help, but then I sometimes I get dragged in, so dragged in to the problems.
I might have led a boring unexciting life, but I’m no longer sure that’s true? One day I may decide.
Reflection, Lord maybe I should pray more, reflecting on my essay. I should pray before everything I do, maybe read scripture as well? Something is going to have to happen.
I should go gnome it. Maybe I should chat to someone
Local preaching, maybe Nicola she will tell it to me straight.
Talking about writing a sermon, how about the prodigal son? I like that passage, and we all escape right? We all escape. I suppose I’m going to have to get used to writing sermons, it’s going to be that isn’t it. I’m not sure I can run from this any more. They all know it I suppose I should except it.
Should i be footnoting this work ? So 1000 words, and I only have half an hour left, half an hour. So much reading to do. Now would be a great chance I suppose. Time in life you can’t get back. I think I think I know what I’m going to write. By the end of reading week I will have done two assignments. Poor second years, they sometimes they seem so down trodden. Really must answer the question. I keep going back to it. Maybe talking to Andrew or someone separate but friendly James C mayhaps, Tara?
Uh oh tutorial I think I may have forgotten it. And I have an art meeting in half an hour, think I may be leaving stuff here and taking it up on the way to tear. Am I fearful. Am I sign posting. It’s raining. Yesterday the trees where on fire, or at least the hills looked like they where burning, that they where smouldering. I’m in a bubble wrap wedding dress. I must be crazy. I just got a text. I wonder who from.
Highlighting, my high school maths teacher used to be scared of my highlighters and me, it worked though, highlighting number, didn’t work with words. I have written the equivalent to the main body of text for a thousand words, just now an introduction and a conclusion. Legitimate, what a word, looking in the thesaurus other words I could have used where lawful or reasonable. I possibly could have used the word genuine; Genuinely a nice word! Wow! Different fonts, that’s how to confuse people. I really do not like the pin stripe tie form on PowerPoint. It really does not work. I saw Bob Marley and black beard the pirate walk past the lecture room window. I must be going mad. No it’s just the letter B day here at college. That’s how things go I suppose? I’m looking forward to the games this afternoon.
I’m not sure I like to plan, someones just left the room. No it’s a bit crazy. A lot crazy. Happily so. No, I don’t like to plan, I like to go with the flow, always prepared but like the flow. Sudden movement is not good.
Poor boy, he really looks lost and annoyed. Want to give him a hug to tell him it will all be fine. That is the problem with having friends, is that you actually start to care. You really start to care. It could be this place. I found sometime in the space to be me, to feel accepted.
So what would I write to conclude. I took half an hour on footnotes this lecture, I can also wear these boots they are incredibly comfortable.
I want to sit on my gnome spot and I do love my changing screen saver.
I still have a lot o f questions to ask., I haven’t got it solved. I still need to chat to someone but oh well. There are people, friends out there who I can do that with. I could wear a hat, that would be rather spiffing. Church tomorrow, and church on Sunday. The parentals are comng down to. I reall hope MD comes save me answering where he is, when I have no idea? I also never want to drive in to Sheffield again. It was very scary if not amusing. Subway tasted good in the end, very good. I think this lecture would have been better if we had just spent the time reading the hand book. It’s what I have taken away.