The start of the end.

So yesterday marked a very significant day in the life of six of us BA students here at Cliff College. We finished our final lectures after three years of lectures. It just kind of happened and at the end there was no rejoicing, no great party, we just dispersed and went to get on with work or placement or getting ready for whatever the weekend plans were. Or that is what wil have happened after lunch. 


However my final lecture was exactly like a final lecture, it was sending us out. We looked at the missional heart and then as group tried to unpack what this meant for us and if it was just a gift, or something that was developed. (In the end we decided nicely down the middle, that it was both a gift given by God that needed to be developed and grown). And then we did the same as individuals. It was a brilliant lecture, it really got us ready to be sent out. (The lecturer shared some of his story, sharing about his organisation Micah 6-8)


This week I have been particularly thinking about three pieces of scripture the first:
"He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away tears from all faces; he will remove his people's disgrace from all the earth. The LORD has spoken." Isaiah 25:8


The second: 
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


And thirdly:
"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:6-7


They seem pretty small verse, and they don't really link, but for me this is what I'm going to walk in. Firstly I'm going to live in the knowledge that God will swallow up death - forever! That this race is already won and that the God I serve is compassionate. I hope that I shall die his servant and that before that time I can be his hand that wipes away tears and tells of this amazing hope that God has spoken. 


Secondly the Thessalonians passage means so much to me already. Each day I will rejoice, give thanks and praise god. For God is good, yesterday, today and forever. 


Lastly, the passage from 2 Timothy some one shared with me when I started here, she told me to walk with it, and as I now start to stand in a place where I have to leave an amazing community I have loved and will continue to love, and as things change rapidly in my life I will remember this passage. This really is the beginning of the last few months here. I have no more lectures, just a word count, 1 block mission, and then festival. Yet as I leave I am more aware that I still have so much to do here, and that the gifts that God has given me are not just to be shut away shyly for the future, but are already in use, are to be used and to be grown, just like the missional heart. I will step out in this power, love and self-discipline, willing to grow stronger and bolder in Christ and for Christ and the Kingdom of God. 


Have you got a verse that you've been reflecting on in your life? Or wish to add some comment or meaning to the three I've posted, then please feel free to comment.  

Consistent?!?!? What?

The consistency of Jesus. This term keeps cropping up amongst our lectures. Why did people follow Jesus... he was consistent. Why do we use his approach to spirituality he was consistent. The Gospel a biographical piece of work, not much character development, but rather, consistent. Jesus was consistent. Wow, not sure if I was to right down my top three reason to why everyone should follow Christ that consistent would be up there. Or would it?

Consistent what does it mean?

the definition straight off my mac:

consistent |kənˈsistənt|

adjective

(of a person, behavior, or process) unchanging in achievement or effect over a period of time : manufacturing processes require a consistent approach.

• compatible or in agreement with something : the injuries are consistent with falling from a great height.

• (of an argument or set of ideas) not containing any logical contradictions : a consistent explanation.


Jesus the Consistent. We often talk, teach and sing about God being unchanging, the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is I suppose God but not until this last week did I ever think of Jesus as consistent. A character you could rely on. Revolutionary, radical, relational thats Jesus a nice piece of alliteration. Consistent, how can some one who turns the world on its head, overthrows tables in the temple, washes his disciples feet, forgives the prostitute, accepts the gentile, walks in the desert and is himself baptised, be consistent. 

Revolutionary, radical, relational, that was Jesus, consistent? His disciples must have seen it though to give up there nets, something they could constantly depend on. Even Jesus talks about in Mark 4: 35-41

³⁵ That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” ³⁶ Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷ A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸ Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
 ³⁹ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
 ⁴⁰ He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
 ⁴¹ They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” (NIV)

"Do you still have no faith?" in the man that is consistent?

I look at my life, as why apply this only in a blank theological context with no experience to back it up, and I look at the lives of my family and friends, so I know its not just me. And Jesus is consistent. We, humankind, however are not. We are flakey and flukey and flit from place to place. Yet God, a trinitarian God at that still walks with us. Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Im sure in the past I have described God as a God of the Unexpected. The God who is transforming, and loving. A god whom we should fear, and respect. A God who is revolutionary, radical and relational. A God who gave his son to die in place of my sin. A God who gives hope, share in our vulnerability and is our strength.

Today, I recognise my God, my Saviour and my present help as Consistent!

Call to worship... what with?

Shout for joy in the LORD, O you righteous!

   Praise befits the upright.

Give thanks to the LORD with the lyre; make melody to him with the harp of ten strings! 

Sing to him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts.
For the word of the LORD is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness.

He loves righteousness and justice;

   the earth is full of the steadfast love of the LORD.

Psalm 33v1-5

I helped lead worship today at Knapton Methodist Church with a service and sermon based on the parable of the Good Samaritan. Yet in the planning of the service we had really not got a clue what to open the service with as a call to worship. When I started to lead worship in the realms of Derbyshire I stumbled across this amazing chapter in the good Book. God actually really loves us. Shocking really, and so often forgotten. God actually really loves. Then of course we should react to this. Yet we no longer live in a world of Lyres - as far as I am aware the lyre is practically medieval - but in a world of beat-boxing and guitars, and electrical bass'. How do we translate this... we can certainly still shout loudly and I have seen a harp played in worship in the last year but worshiping the lord to be thankful for His love... how in our 21st Century, 24/7, busy busy, social media, hyper-connected society?

I suppose their is no right or wrong way, as long as we keep worshiping, following the upright word of the Lord, being righteous and incurring Justice. 

Its about remembering that the earth if full of Gods love. The local preach today made a comment today that I cannot remember the full ins and outs of but it went something like this...

"God's love falls on the just, and it falls on the unjust, 

but more so on the just because the unjust has the just umbrella."

We worship because God loves us first and we live amongst a community of other believers. So, no lyres, no harps, no shouts, none of the many things.... Love.

Its all about Love

Who am I

339 days have gone buy, 126 thoughts have found it on to the page. Change of location, change of ideas, new friends, new list of music, new year, new traditions. New Person?

Who am I now. Well my name is Rebecca Elizabeth Belshaw, although I am commonly known as Bx.

I am no longer studying for A levels, but rather the first year of a degree at Cliff College.

I no longer permanently reside in Norfolk with my family, but have residence at Uni in the beautiful land of the Peak District.

I still have a job but have moved out of the kitchens and on form the hours of breakfast cooking and waitressing and into the late shift hours of bar work, which means I can pull a successful pint whilst working out the price and talking to the customer about the snow.

I, after many years of escaping it, know what it is like to sit in a real A&E (and not a field hospital) for myself having more than one visit for myself in 2009, and a further three visits for other people.

I became a worship leader for the Methodist Church, after three years.

I became very close to completing my adult leadership as a Brownie Leader, just one more section to go, I also abandoned all hope of doing my D of E.

More first for the 339 days:

• first drive on a motorway
• first summer camp as a leader
• first drink in a pub
• first game of poole
• first crash
• first battle of the bands
• first amazon order with my own money
• first car gone
• first disaster on a motorway
• consequently first sermon

I have learnt a lot of things this year, like pricing strategies are important, how to hold an interview, how to take part in an interview. I've learnt a bit (the progress is on going) about Audio Visual Aids, a bit about evangelism, a bit about subjects I didn't think I would ever understand like Amos and the Old Testament. I have discovered new ways of study, ways that people complain and worry about but it works for me. I've learnt about knowing when to keep quiet, and that laughing at people really does freak them out when your not actually laughing at them but the grapes.

I've let go of things to, control, friends, things that bug me, an ideal, I let go of my odd colour converse in pink and blue, but for them I did find a replacement.

Some things don't change though, I'm still clumsy, if not even more clumsy, I still like to sing around a camp fire and I still am willing to make a fool out of myself. I still like to write but no longer feel it is all that is keeping me sane. I have some good friends for that now, as like ever my time seems in short supply and I still struggle to say no, and then struggle through.

I still have amazing friends, some maybe new but I will tar them with the same brush for now, and I still know that God has a plan for me, I think I have stopped asking what now, even though I still have no clue. As tomorrow is a new day, and soon it will be over, and the next appeared, worrying about the one after that is hardly going to help today.

So who am I, I am the author of this blog, 18, a Christian and holding fast to light, I should also be revising Amos, this is Me!

A Storm

I'm rather odd... There is no two ways about it. I am or rather was standing in the glorious shower of God's rain as it poured rather nicely buckets of cool rain drops upon my person. It is the most delightful thing you can probably ever do, stand in the cool rain on a rather warm day.

God's amazing at calming the storm. Recently the the story of Jesus calming the storm stands out so strongly.

A Storm (Matthew 8:23-27 Contemprorary English Version)

(Mark 4.35-41; Luke 8.22-25)
After Jesus left in a boat with his disciples, a terrible storm suddenly struck the lake, and waves started splashing into their boat.
Jesus was sound asleep, so the disciples went over to him and woke him up. They said, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"
But Jesus replied, "Why are you so afraid? You surely don't have much faith." Then he got up and ordered the wind and the waves to calm down. And everything was calm.
The men in the boat were amazed and said, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him."

Life consists of many storms, I'm sure for some it appears more terential rain than heatwaves on occasion. That is life. I often feel I am drowning, that the water just keeps on rising.... theres never a plug to these sort of things thats you can pull out and it all disappears, although I have tried to find them on many occasions.

Now as I said I'm odd , I don't sit still very well. I quite like the drama, or at least to be doing something. Many can vouch for that. So when the calm comes it certainly feels strange...

I think though the problem with calm is you know it wont last. So I'm not praying to God for the calm, as he will provide that when he's ready. I'm praying for the rain, and the storm, as that way I know who I am and that he is in charge.

"Jesus bring the rain!"

What an amazing two years, but really what an amazing 18 years

Within the last five minutes the realisation that sixth form is coming to an end is rather to close for comfort. I know that exams for some of us (well me) are rather a way off yet but for most Friday is the last official day of college. Again I am bucking the trend and Thursday is my last day.

It's strange how quickly time goes, cause it only seems like yesterday that I was here before at the end of high school, my last day, waiting to go to cliff, turning 16 strangely ambling past people avoiding saying the dreaded goodbye. The only difference is in a way I was glad to leave high school (yes I do think that 14 G.C.S.E's was way too much).

However the friends and the experiences at Sixth Form will inevitably make me sad to leave Notre Dame. Maybe that’s why I'm not so sad I'm missing Friday to go to Cliff but rather glad to be putting off saying goodbye because this way I can leave it for just a few more days. Get used to the idea that I will no longer have to get up at 6.30 because I need to get ready to catch a bus, but rather because 6.30 is quite a jolly time to get up. That I won't have to walk up Surrey Street in all forms of adverse weather conditions, all with high winds as is the way on Surrey Street avoiding people buses and cars whilst risking your life to cross the road. I will neither be ridiculously early or sublimely late to form or assembly, no more weird assemblies, or damn strange form times. And I won’t have to remember which building I'm in for my lesson, or walk to the top of St. J's every Monday morning to be with the loud year twelve’s in AS Business. Nor will my history lessons ever again consist of wild hand gestures and question upon the religion and the existence of God. And I’m sure I will miss the weird tangents, stories and gossiping put forward by my fellow philosophy and ethics students, and the existence of squirrels in classes well definitely brighten up many days. And when the times of academia get too much I'm sure I will miss the scarily quiet library and the canteen with its supply of number 64 vending machine coffees. The food, the seeds, the stars for birthdays and the fire alarms, the collapsing people and the hugs when you burst into tears. I will miss the way small kids always get in the way and that there is always a person to pull funny faces at, or to stop and say hello to. I will miss my Friday lunch times often with their air of unpredictability, love and prayers.

I will of course miss most all the many great friendships formed either in passing or on a more substantial scale. Too many names to mention and embarrass, but it wouldn’t have been the same without them.

And I suppose as the saying goes, tide and time stay for no man and you have to move along with where the wind blows you. Whether you take a path that’s trodden in similar directions or you take another direction I suppose I would like to thank all friends for the last fantastic 18 years. Whether I've known you from NWHS, NDHS, MAYC, Guiding, church, etc, ect, etc or possibly from the future Thank you, for it is much my opinion that I am who you've made me.

Much love

xxxx

late nights, early mornings, special connections, and half a tonne of texts :P

One of these days when I say "I'm going to have an early night" I might actually preceed not to get distracted. Okay so in this case it's not a bad distraction but a rather a much enjoyed and welcome one, none the less :P

any way today in the car on the way to drop of my course work (yep it's all done)we where discussing assemblies. now there is a link to what i'm going to type about which is special connections.

In my time i have done many assemblies, i have also seen some memorable ones, such as the one with the massacre of the ty beanie baby, or the one where our teacher ate dog food, and even one where we looked at a clip and completely missed the mouse. yet one which stands out kinda just for comedy genius is by a teacher who can only be described as the man who speaks in metaphors. He told this story, its about a special connection

There was a man who lived just away from a village, he was a holy man who prayed and prayed, and belived that god would answer his prayers

Then suddenly one day a disaster strikes, the land in which the man lives floods and the poor man you know can't really swim, so he stands there in a few inches of water and prays, because he has this special connection with God.
its getting a bit uncomfortable with the water and along comes a helicopter and it shouts down "wanna lift mate" and the man goes nah im fine god's gonna rescue me.
so he goes, back to his praying , he can no longer kneel in prayer as well the waters is risingbut he has faith.
then along comes a boat, and once agian this boat offers him a lift, but the man ever trusting in god declines and gets on with his praying.
now the man is standing kinda trying to stand on tip toes and this these pieces of wood float past and still he prays to god to save him. because of course he believes and has faith.
So about ten minutes later he lands at the entrnce of the pearly gates (he died) causing a small puddle and demands to the man on reception to see God so the receptionist (probably peter) obliging shows him to God.
the convo goes something like this

Man (annoyed) : I thought you understood me, i thought we had a special connection, i had faith, I prayed
God: yes yes now yep
Man (interupting) : now look there was a flood and i prayed for you to save me and well i ended up here dead... where were you
God: look man, you prayed so i answered, i mean i thought you would look at the helicopter and go ahha thank you lord but no
man: well you eum beh (stuttering)
God (continues): and then i sent that boat I mean were your eyes closed
man goes bright red
God: and the wood by then well i was getting slightly exsaperated i thought we had a special connection, even a blind man could see


How often do we miss the things right under our noses. special connections with God, and friends and just in general that maybe need to be looked at.

Special connections are great, just dont forget to keep your eyes open.

xxx

where does all the time go... to heaven

People who make us smile are often the most valuable. I am blessed in my life to have a few who make me smile when of the day isn't pleasent. I have come down with that horrid cold that when typing coursework makes it near on possible to stay willing to live let along to smile.

I often think though as well we take for granted the people who make us smile. maybe it's time to tell them that they do. embaress them slightly by saying something. laugh at there reaction, they might even be a little scared, often it's humerous. let someone today know they make you smile, and often you will see that grin spread across that face.

Thank you everyone for the happy thoughts. I have nearly finished the course work so after that I will hopefully begin to write more often again.

I'm hoping this has made someone smile.

xxx

Broken and used, scared and abused

Inspiration - the source of everything, where would be if someone had not been inspired to do anything. For starters I would not be sitting upon a chair typing something on a computer, whilst waiting for a text, drinking coke and listening to Scott Stapp sing Broken - Hence the title (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcpQswGTxBc).

Inspiration, that small spark of life that changes a person into motivation, starting do something. The BBC has recently run a show called the speaker, which I haven't been watching avidly but I caught a glimpse of a group of speaches for the semi-finals. They where asked to talk about what inspired them.

Now believe it or not I do quite like public speaking, typing is often easier but there is a certain thrill of standing up and talking to one person, pretty much the same as talking to in excess of 200 people. It's a personal dialogue, and my mother was saying how i might have been good at such a programme as the speaker, so she asked me what inspired me. To at which point I turned round and commented that spometimes inspiration isn't a singular thing that we recieve, it is something we should look for in everything we see, hear, say and do. Often inspiration comes from with in our selves (just got my text) we often don't see that what we ourselves do is amazing, For starters that fact that we are living beings is pretty complex and inspirational, wouldnt you say? Things we say ourselves to other can be inspirational, "sorry" "Yes" "Thank you" "I love you". Often forgotten and pushed aside for fear of worry and critical worries from others.I'm sure public speakers fear this more so than many.

Then of course there is the rest of the world, rape seed is out in majestic colour, and ocean of bright yellow that is quite sad and meloncholy I feel. But inspirational none the less. Martin Luther King Junior and his speach "I have a dream" has continuously inspired many, to do all sorts of things, drama, dance, freeedom!

What about a small child learning to play a violin, now they never set me freeon one of these and even my brother only had a cello, but I know just how badly they squeak when in the small hands of those learning to play. Inspirational or just painful? I think the former, you just have to look at the beauty of the situation, don't you?

My Inspiration for this week ? Well alsorts but mainly this video ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

Music and Lyrics

Sitting in the glorious sun filled dining room typing today listening to music, has been stressful and its only lunch time but there has been something more...

Music is such an important part of some many peoples lives yet often we regard it as something almost throw away, just there. You could say we even take it for granted...

how often though have you felt inspired by song, maybe a song has moved you to tears, moved you to stand, made you realise something, made you stop, made you think, made you humm and sing along,

made you happy?

sitting here this morning just listening to 16 songs again and again I have been through asorts of music. my brother strums his guiatar not realising the difference in someones life he makes every time he plays.

sometimes it's the music, the piano introduction to awesome God, the instrumental in the darkenesses i believe in a thing called love, something just connects to the heart. I'm sure my brother would say that summer in g major by vivaldi means something to him, no lyrics just pure music.

More often than not for me it is the lyrics that capture my soul. I like my words. and there are millions of lyrics out there. some you never fully understand. a few months ago I found myself at a local community church singing forever God is faithful in serbian, untill the moment i sang it in a different language I'm not sure I had grasped the meaning of it that I have today, and I still thend to sing it in serbian rather than english. I'm also sure that it's meaning will change again for that is the nature of music in context, it changes.

So many songs in my life hav meant so much. A different one each day. A different one for each event. A different one for different people. but happy memories in among the side.

Time to sing out loud...

Weeping, wasting
leaving lately
I watch the sun set
across the water
I watch it rise across the skies
And i watch the sun linger midless
along the streets they walk
for time is swiftly fleeting
along this lonely floor
and as i see the pairings shatter
i watch the postcards flutter
from rescue me to save the trees
Pictures float past
different windows
winning motives
and if faith has to play
it's smallundevaiting path
then we should know it's bigger
bigger than what we see
larger than what we know
huger than you and me
the mess we have laid down
the typing of random scenes
linked so cleaverly with rhyming words
for this broken world is all i see
it's scenes include the summer fields
and the snowy mountian tops
but more it is the war torn desert
and gun ravaged streets
and all it takes is the tears of a child
to see the human inside us all
scared, lost alone

I'm crying
not for you or me
but for this broken world
as that is all I can see

Time to rest oh yeah I know hypocritical and all but it is good to really stop
to sleep
to think
to step out of the box/house/town/bus/car/work/world
its just what it is
escapism

Home?

I know it seems really hard to admit but sometimes you just want to scream and run away. Run away from everything, the people and the places and go home. But what happens if you have nowhere to call home. So you have a roof over your head and you’re not living on a street, but a home?

The dictionary isn’t even brief about what a home is it goes on for quite a while. As a noun it is:

• A place where one lives; a residence.
• The physical structure within which one lives, such as a house or apartment.
• A dwelling place together with the family or social unit that occupies it; a household.
• An environment offering security and happiness.
• A valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin.
• The place, such as a country or town, where one was born or has lived for a long period.
In the thesaurus:

noun
1. A building or shelter where one lives: abode, domicile, dwelling, habitation, house, lodging (often used in plural), place, residence. Chiefly British dig (used in plural). See protection/exposure.
2. The natural environment of an animal or plant: habitat, haunt, stamping ground. See territory.
3. An institution that provides care and shelter: asylum, hospice, hospital, shelter. See protection/exposure.
adjective
1. Of or relating to the family or household: domestic, familial, family, homely, household. See kin, group.
2. Of, from, or within a country's own territory: domestic, internal, national, native. See native/foreign.

"Home is the place where we are treated the best, but grumble the most." - Source Unknown

I suppose it really does rest on what you determine as home, whether you do believe that a home is that place with four walls, some windows, the door and a roof. Maybe even in some case it will have a nice garden with roses and lavender, a winding path, small pond, weeping willow and a picket fence. Yet, what if a home is where the heart really lives, a place where you know that you belong there more than any other place in the world. How confused does a person have to be to feel that they have yet to find that place, and will they ever find a home?

One of my friends says I am not from this planet, I have no qualms about this I suppose my home is in heaven, yet so is his in the end but he still has a place of this world and on this earth. Some would have thought that a belief in God would have solved this missing home problem, and still there is feeling of as ever being lost. Maybe nine homes in 17 years is to much?
I think that sometimes more than ever I really wish for a home; somewhere that I really feel myself. I think college has brought me one step closer to that because I am no longer afraid of the person I am towards other people. I am myself. I don’t think my high school really got to appreciate that on one to many occasions. I think some of me was always fake, always trying to make other people happy, always doing as I was told. Maybe that fearless girl that could contend with anything, get everyone into order, listened to others was, essentially, just a person trying to exaggerate herself to make herself seem more real to others and herself. But then maybe I am that person. The problem with pretending is that at sometime you cross the point of the quiet person you where, the person that wanted to talk about her problems, the person who was scared and turned into the person she was pretending to be.

Just to make matters more confusing, maybe that is the way you are supposed to find “who you are” or maybe that was how I was supposed to do it. It’s not as if people hate that me and I really can’t see me going back to that slightly shy awkward person. So I am me and I like me. Just do I have a home.

I sit here in my college common room come study area and I think about my parents. What would they think if I said I had no home? It’s not the fact that they don’t try its just always the nagging feeling of incompleteness, I don’t suppose it is even that. It’s just there, it’s something you know.

Maybe my home is in heaven? But what if we all have it all wrong. I try not to pass on that fact.
Generally when life gets to hard we all try to bow out, run away and so on we shut everything up inside and try and forget leave the memories so far behind that all other matter seems to have left you as well.

Basically my God reigns. It’s a random thing to add but on top of the am I this person who everyone thinks they know but they really don’t and whether I have a home or not, this is a pretty major thing. Maybe I need to explain this one out. If my God reigns then I have a home and maybe by the feeling that I don’t have home my home is in heaven and I should not try and deny that living here is, at least, awkward. And if my God reigns, which he does, then he will accept who I am. So am I completely waffling you begin to wander? No, this confused person jabbering on is getting to a point just one that she can’t see but God is obviously calling her to express.

I wrote this yesterday at Uni so here i type it...

The thrill of driving, the excitement, the speed, the cost! So much like life really. Some goes fast, some goes slow, there are accidents and moments so clear all starts to make sense. However oftern when you drive you only see those around you, you look out and try and avoid the accidents often missing lookin gout your self on the veiw, breathtaking reality. Then you become tired, the need to stop, to drink and water. It can be costly too. I mean petrol, the repairs, tax, MOT, services and insurance. It all adds up.

You could compare life to driving, so much of the above applies. There is a thrill and an excitment, there are times that are fast and some that are slow, there are accidents and times when we look so closely at what is around us. At points we even get tired, not the everyday tired that tuks you up in bed at night, but the tired in life that drowns you deep into depression, one which we shrink away from life. The cost is so clear, we grow older, become less trusting, fall in love, have children, die lonely.

In many ways I suppos much of this depends on the destination and the routes we take. Always individuals each with it's own moments. Even when travelling together on a journey you can find that each persons favourite bit is different, or if its the same then its usually for a different reason. It's the same for the low points as well.

As I sit in a strange room writing this, I realise how strange a journey life can be. I'm sitting in a room with a yellow door, with the heighest bed, writing this at this desk sitting on a comfy chair in the gorunds of nazarene theological college. Tomorrow is my last uni interview and each has brought something new to my lifes journey. Todays might possibly link to the fact that I can drive, whats more on the motorway. It's a scary realisation of freedom, escapism and loss. I'm no longer jailed away from flights of fancy, of the scary big wide world. Strangely I think I will find myself more confined by my freedom than I ever felt living under my parents house and I havn't even left yet.

It's like childs footsteps for the first time. I must seem so happy, so excited, my parents wary ready to catch me when I trip, ready to pick me up. Freedom with a safety net on this drive home.

sunday come and sunday go, and i seem up rdiculously early as always but i realised i forgot to pack to go away today.

not only that but it s mothers day

A thought filled poem

sometimes saturdays seem so lonely
and sundays seem so solemn
Mondays asre a moment
and tusedays more stoic than a roman column
wednesday is distant
and thursday looking sad
friday once again goes quick
and thats a week to be had

maybe as the months go by
the pace will pass and quicken
and then when years have comed to pass
a slowness they will sicken

but for now each day so seems the same
and drifts by evermore
and sleepily we dream it by
forgetting to wish for more

The best laid plans

Some time the best laid plans go to waste and usually they go to better plans or confusions. People will always laugh and support you no matter what and sometimes it takes the lack of a family, the lack of friends and a lack of a dog to make you see the funny side of going beyond the hem...

Friends don't let you down, you just have to give them a chance to be there for you.

xxx

Shopping and Chat

Some times spending a little money makes you feel better. Maybe not when you have no money but treating your self once in a while. On top of that taking the time just to chat randomly also works so on that note I'm off to do just that chat chat chat

xxx

Is that the sun shining or may the spot light

It suddenly feels like spring agian. The sun is shining, the birds woke me up early with their chirrping, and the world seems greener. The saying goes, that the grass is always greener on the other side but it seems pretty green for me here at the moment. That doesnt mean that life is perfect, there are still leaves from autumn everywhere, the grass is wild and hedge's overgrown, but its a content state of out of control ness, if that makes sense in any way?

so how is the garden of your life? im enjoying the sring coming in the midst of the discombobulating chaos.

What a faith that women had to strech out her hand and say yes if i touch his clothes i will be healed. amazing faith that im not sure unless you have really sunk to the depths of despair that women had been in you could truly ever understand. whats more is that he offered more than what she wanted. for someone who had been outcast by family and friends he offered a relationship. he called her daughter he knew nothing about her, not her past or her future or anything else. and yet she was his daughter. A relationship for all of us...

lots to think about isnt it?

xxx