On to the chapel floor

Once again I can be found on the floor of the chapel. This is where I come to pray and think and just spend some time with God, sometimes alone, sometimes not. Upon the chapel floor my attention turned to this post on a brothers sight www.eremosanemos.com it really blessed me.

This week has had its challenges, preached my first sermon, which was exciting, and took part in a musical in a day as a dancer. However, the biggest challenge for me has been something else...

Its odd, the word cost has come up so much in the last few days. What is the cost of being here, doing this? What is the cost of being a Christian; of being a disciple; of being an apprentice? What is the cost of being a pioneer, of using practical theology, of really caring? What is the cost of my heart, of my emotions, of myself? What am I willing to give up? What will others give up? What did He give up?

The word cost in itself is often painful. Sometimes a cost can be joyful, but more often than not, it is a heart wrenching pain. I was about yesterday in the realms of Derbyshire.

Why has God brought me here? Usually even though I am still unsure I know its right, but today, not so in any case.

God why am I here?

So many people are questioning things, and asking why life is complicated. I can see so clearly the cost they have had in their lives.

One seems so much in pain from emotions that they seem to want to disappear. Why? Why can I see the cost of their feelings, causing them to hate what they think they need to do, the place where they need to be? ‘why is life so complicated?’

Another was confused by a proposal, a decision that was wanted, do I do this, do I do that? Do I stick with this place, or do I possibly fast track three, four maybe five years down the line to where I want to be. ‘why is God ruining my life, why is life so complicated?’

One more had lost what they saw as their future. They where questioning what to do now. Confused. ‘Why is life so complicated, why?’

... what is my cost in this life time, why am I here?

Once again I found myself brought to the floor of your chapel Lord. I'm face down in confusion, not just for me but for everyone, but I will continue to shout your praise because You are my God forever