Living in a community has really got something about it. It has it's up and downs. Currently on a great up. Watching a movie in our student digs.

It's very funny.

Something about sitting with friends makes me feel happy, only keeping half an eye on the movie but it's amusing.

Time for a time and a moment to soon

It's lost upon me the sun at noon

Cause of an action

Statement of life

It's a placement of Jesus

A moment of God

A filling of the Spirit

I hope with open heart

And hand of faith

that my action will

of course prevail

when timelessness feels craziness

I know that following you is best

For Jesus I can proclaim

or shout or whisper to

to show that you are my King

To all to see him here in me.

Let me be known for you

For the things you give me strength to do

its as dark as night but i see it like day

Some may class it as writers block but the last few day's I've really been struggling to find words to say. Out loud or in my head, hand written or typed. I've really struggled with the darkness. I really like the dark theres very little pretence, or barriers or walls. You can't see so you let your guard down, I often feel safe, I can laugh I can cry I can smile in a scary fashion or pull a funny face. I am safe.

But these last few days the dark has turned menacing almost. the refuge often found against the light where the whole pretending thing can happen hasnt been there. Now I know it's strange to seem to mix the ideas of dark and light up but this is me. and it's unnerving to find my often safe space to bright for comfort. Maybe God's telling me something!

I believe in:

I believe in:

• In JESUS, GOD and the HOLY SPIRIT
• in encouragement
• in enthusiasm
• in loving
• in forgiving
• in journeys
• in hope
• in faith through action
• in service
• in listening
• in enjoying what I do
• in singing
• in making the best out of all situations
• in handshakes
• in hugs
• in comforting
• in steadying
• in being prepared
• in smiling

As this is what I believe in, let me be known by it!

Of course that passage in Isaiah is someone great. I said I was scared, which I still am but the answers there in the passage...

¹ But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

And today?

Did something amazing happen or was it just another day?

I think sometimes you have to remember that everyday is an amazing day. A day where maybe things go right, or wrong, that it goes to plan, or it really doesn't. I feel I often take for granted the days, and they soon turn into weeks and them into months and before you know it the years passed and you can't remember where it went. I have often wished my time along, wanting for something.

It's also hard to often see the part that God plays in everything. This week has been a real eye opener for me.

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43: 1-2

This week has been very much a constant reminder that God has called me by name, which is scary, and humbling, and confusing, and overwhelming. I keep trying to process this information and I keep failing some what spectacularly. Surely my reaction should be one of joyous enthusiasm and un-contained excitement, which don't get me wrong part of it is that, but a bigger part goes I'm really, really, really scared. People have asked this question all week "so why are you here at Cliff college?". Well I'm here because it felt like home, but I'm here because he called me by name. I've made some fantastically big decisions here at Cliff, and there are plenty more to come, but right now I really am only just keeping my head above water and I'm scared!

Open doors.

On occasions I'm slightly claustrophobic, I like space, and feeling part of something. Plus I like to watch people, and greet people and randomly chat to people. It's shocking!

I try to have an open heart as well. I find that you learn so much more, enjoy so much more.

Well today has been interesting and probably my most challenging today so far at Cliff, I've felt really funny all day. I can't say that I miss home but I could really just do with a hug and a good cry and at the moment I'm struggling to allow my vulnerability show to allow me to cry. There's nothing really in particular that I want to cry about. Just been such a hectic week, busy and new.

It has been good for me in some ways though. I started to make a movie upon freedom. Freedom's a fantastic concept, I feel more free the more I am bound to the cross. Sometimes as in all places the restrictions get to you but often the restrictions are liberating, motivating, encouraging, and essential.

It's life, so live it in all its freedom!

Just another post on just another day

What can today bring, right? It's just another day in the run of the mill week, sitting somewhere within the year, in which there is numerous of decades either side. What can be different about today? We shall have to wait and see.

quiet day and Hawaiian dancing

yes it can be mixed apparently.

What a blast. God has really spoken to me in the last few days. He has made me know that he has called me by name! it doesn't matter whether I think there is someone better for the job, or whether I'm confused about why, it's up to God.

Just some rubber ducks!

It's quite bizarre that sometimes the unexpected happens. I really don't understand why this is inevitably such a shock! None of it is an accident either, it just happens as God intends and that we are often unaware off.

Today my God is the God if the unexpected...

So, a random fact about yourself?

How awesome is the power of a random facts about people?

Right here are a few of mine:

• I'm a Brownie Leader in training
• I will quite often wear odd shoes
• I lived in Germany at a young age
• Longest bus journey I've taken was 38 hours
• I do like the film robin hood prince of thieves
• I can shoot with either hand
• I like playing frisbee
• I went to the 21st World Scout Jamboree
• I like typing/writing
• I like Kayaking and other adventurous things

So there we go. See now I would love to know what vegetable people would be and why but no one ever asks that!

Getting to know new people is never easy, and I always worry that I seem so detached. I'm quite happy to talk about the small things like the weather (currently cold), where I come from (Norfolk[ish]), favourite colour (blue) and what vegetable would you be (a potato as they can pretty much cope with anything). But the bigger stuff, the stuff which makes you vulnerable is so hard. I've grown up I suppose in a manner where you don't do the vulnerable stuff as it leads at attachment and that's to hard if they move or I move, and i don't suppose it's ever really bothered me much before, no one has really ever wanted me to be like this, they're quite happy to keep me at a distance and let me cope with myself and often them. Yet I don't know whether I'm beginning to feel more ready to be open to sharing, or whether God wants me to be more open in sharing or rather I feel that in the current place I'm in it's just gonna happen and I'm going to have to like it and lump it is probably irrelevant. I think it's time to cope with doing something new, not be so afraid of it.

At the end of the day

"At the end of the day..."

"At the end of the day, I am..."

"At the end of the day, God is..."

At the end of the day,

This I want to be.

Created in Your image,

I know that You know me.

I may be scared and tired,

but You are mighty and strong.

When I'm fighting my reality,

And can't find out what's Real,

I pray for rest and peace,

for I know Your loves me seal.

I arrived!

one last time

sitting in the dark

so far away

so distant

the voices create

six years have gone

the darkness edges closer

around these keys

as i type

the ever gotten

time wasted

breath abated

poetry debated

me slated

It seems like a night for nightmares,

I shall try and hold on to the day,

Forever is slipping by my fingers,

and I think I've forgotten how to pray.

I sip down another cold drink

realise my ninth in a night

can't remember when i was sober

I would give my family a fright.

Tomorrow maybe my last day

Shall I go out and do this again

shall i pack it all in to find life once more

is that an even worse end.

What if tomorrows my turn,

to end up impaled on a knife

what if the drink is the reason

to take away my one life.

Forever holds out past the window

it runs like hell on speed

it looksa lot worse than i thought

unless i just took lsd.

He told me his life was his only

I told him to slow down and think

he got drunk one night in some far away town

And him again I never did see

Someone wake me up from this nightmare

Someone wake me up from this dream

I know that day break is near again

but what if this turn s out to be my reality

I like to swim, but has anyone else stared at the underneath of the surface of the water, and been completly blown away by it's beauty?

I make it no secret that I can get truly and deeply transfixed on water.... Isnt it amazing...

***

Come to the living water

drink from the fountain of life

Know the things that he's told us

The things we have come to believe

Allowed by faith to grab us

Hold us, teach us,

Help us, keep us.

For Jesus is the living water

To think two weeks from now everything will be different, strangely enough everything two weeks ago was different two.

Life is an adventure though. You just have to say "yes". Right?

And a journey, I suppose all journeys are adventures.

I have to say thank goodness for my friends, as without there continued support I would possibly freaking out right now.

Moving out so much doesn't bother me, moving out of my room whilst still living at home has.

But life is an adventure, so time to step out in faith. Once I'm driving I will be fine,

there's just nine days before then .........

I think it's time for some more prayer