Osaka Castle is full of cherry blossom...

Osaka Castle is full of cherry blossom is the title of the post card my brother brought me back from Japan. I wasn't expecting any thing to be honest.

But then how often do we expect less and get more, and expect more and get less. My School production that I went to see yesterday was an example of the former. I went not expecting all that much and came out with a new found passion for all things rhyming and seussical like. Then there have also been times when you have gone to an event so hyped up that your expectations dwarf the event.

Isn't it the same for people we always expect something, sometimes we underestimate them and judge them and then to often we idolise them into something they are not.

Thats the problem with expectations we so often can't see past them so we adhere to them. We expcet things of ourselves which maybe we can do better than. Maybe we need to realise just that. Expectations are probabilties not possibilities, therefore for entirly worthless really.

Time to focus on the posibilities not the probabilities because it sure is time to expect the unexpected.

The Forum Library, Norwich

The forum, a magical place of books, music, museaum, media, tourism, broadcasting, resources, coffee and pizza. http://www.theforumnorwich.co.uk/ if you feel like having a visual. The place where I am typing from this very minute listening to the variety or low mumers coming from around this impressive building of glass and metal. I'm excited as I'm waiting for everyone else to come out of sixth form so we can go to tea before heading to Seussical the musical, the Notre Dame High School production.

But todays thoughts have nothing really to do with this, i just like to ramble. todays thoughts on the third day of lent have turned around various doors and ended up an mixture of things discussed today at Acts 29.

We watched the first Nooma video( http://www.nooma.com/ ) called rain it was really interesting to watch and on part of the discussion afterwards with Ellie we where talking about junk in our lives, not the crisp packet but the stuff that kinda blocks our view from God. This wasnt our whole discussion it was just one fo the points, I'm sure other parts will come through later on this week.

But anywhoos the topic came up in the junk question of saying goodbye.
I really struggle to say goodbye.
I try not to at the end of conversations its always see you soon speak soon love ya got to go be back etc etc etc

Saying goodbye is painful, but always rather iminent really. I'm coming to the end of my sixth form career and I will have to say goodbye to all the friends I've made here. then moving to uni will mean more goodbyes to the places that I have lived near for the last 8 - 10 years, a church community who have been so supportive, people who i rarely see when i only live down the road from them. Goodbye is part of life, a scary part, a heart breaking part.

You would have thought that I was used to it by now, 9 houses, RAF father, many events only fleeting in the real pattern of life... but no I think it just gets harder.

I should probably ask why then do I want a life where I dont sit still for very long, move around, never around for what could be, escape.

I suppose there is no answer to that and what I know is safest.

I guess I will just have to hold close to God and wait and see and when the rain comes through the heart ache of saying Goodbye once again, I know it will not be for long as I'm just oassing by.

Me

Whilst relaxing in the most enjoyable manor of my half day, before I started my work, I was flicking through channels and landed on E4, as I usually do, and I ended up listening to the theme tune of One Tree Hill. Here are the lyrics if you dont know them :


I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by a deadly crisis everywhere I turn Am I the only one to notice? I can't be the only one who's learned I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think about me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me Can I have everyone's attention please See, not like this and that You're gonna have to leave I came from the mountain, the crust of creation My whole situation made from clay, dust, stone And now I'm telling everybody I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I'm trying to d Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me I don't want to be I don't want to be I don't want to be I don't want to be - Gavin Degrew

It stood out to me the small section that is on the title credits that i went and found the whole song on youtube and it has summed up places in my life where I have felt like that and never found the way to escape to be until recently.

The part where it says:
Can I have everyone's attention please See, not like this and that You're gonna have to leave I came from the mountain, the crust of creation My whole situation made from clay, dust, stone And now I'm telling everybody

Made me think about Ash Wednesday, I go to a catholic Sixth Form and took part in liturgy this year with ash and dust and that’s where one day I will return but until then I know now that in the words of Gavin Degrew “I don't want to be anything other than me”

Miracles

miracles
(n.)
any amazing or wonderful occurrence
miracles
(n.)
a marvellous event manifesting a supernatural act of God

I have just finished studying miracles in my philosophy lessons and there are many theories put forward by many great philosophers upon miracles, wether they be signpost events to God or acts the go against the laws of nature they certainly are something to behold.

Which today has lead me to understand that I have witnessed a miracle, it sounds odd but what is a miracle:

• burnt ash
• laughter
• a brother teaching another brother
• tears
• quiet
• noise
• family
• friends
• the building you never noticed before
• small bulbs planted by well meaning brownies
• a piggy back

I don'tn know what you class as a miracle but I feel privileged everyday as I believe that this life is a miracle.

Everything on this earth, in this life has something miraculous

Maybe we just all need to look a little harder to find it!

Mondays, or even first days back after holidays are great as you get to give lots of hugs.
tomorrow is also shrove tuesday a time to find out the medical kit for me for the most likely burns recieved from making pancakes, life is good aye!
So thoughts at the moment are precious and time lacking in copious (?) amounts
so till tomorrow
xxx

Thought's from the last week as compiled by Bx and Ruth:

• HSM3 is fab
• Ruth in general makes funny noises
• make sure you have heating at the front of the church when leadin worship when its cold
• Rhino is beawesome
• We got married...
• ...again
• mundesly is breeding crocodiles
• ruth cant drive or find fog lights
• the sea is cold especially in Feb
• bx trips over really easily particularly if concrete is involved
• sea storm breakers are comfortable for first aid
• having a working hand brake helps to calm the nerves of passersbys
• dont keep david tennant poster from your friends
• lava lamps are pretty damn funky
• Bacardi breezer need i say more
• MEN... again need I say more
• DSA can be odd
• How can you loose a car?
• matress moving is funny
• so is stuffing
• ruth cant spell phil.... yeah well neither can i
• neighbours are people outside a list
• some songs get the never agian look
• brie is tasty
• water although good isnt good in buildings esp. walls
• cromer sells fridge raiders
• bx wore a dress(!!!)
• ruth got a taste of her own medicine when panicking whilst another friend drove her to a beach
• we learnt that you cant sell electrical goods
• but you can donate them
• pizza quiches are nice
• noce a new word
• one foot in the groove are playing at church tonight
• uni's are meh
• old kind gentlemen can be kind
• old strange gentlemen can be um... strange
• lists are great
• milk truck drivers stalk young cyclists in Oulten
• killer sheep dont always live in oulten
• bx's typing is appaling
• pestle and mortors are cheaper at kerri's
• mator was a japanese kit car
• ruth likes to correct bx whilst she is typing, along with sayi ng everything out loud, like this
• Anna is amazing, and finally...
• Blessed be the name of the Lord

Old friends certainly warm the heart. Happy notices to all those who need congratulations before I go on. Well a full day at work but a party this evening and a party last night, you make think this is the life but i just want a nice man to crawl up on the sofa beside and watch a movie, fall a sleep and not have to worry. I do love my friends though.

amazing friends

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing. Some might think it's a constant state for me. Even stranger for me is I'm trying to work out me and a dress. A dress. The cobwebs also now are duly dusted and if the 3 mile cycle wasnt enough a bracing game of crazy golf with awesome Ruth was fun followed by a walk on the beach and a dip in the sea was just what I needed, I also nearly got ran over by a friend. am on physio again the excersises are painful but I will bear them to get better.


And you where supportive
And you where there
You where never angry
Just a few miles away maybe
And I know your never mine
But the poems where just on lines
And although its only through a mirror we say this
But its only by the time

It's time to do something, something that will dust away the cobwebs time for a cycle so early on this morning, as for you reading have a poem...

my feet keep walking
its not a straight path
this messaging is uncertain
esp. if you don’t have a past
eagle and hawks fly high
thinking the world quite funny
esp. if they can’t see what we are doing hunny

The strange path of one walking in the spirit.

1) EYES - Known = He not only sees you He knows you.
2) CANDLE FLAME -Lord I want this night to end Lord let your day begin.
3) STARS - You are one in a million. You are special and truly amazing. You are created in Gods image. The word BEAUTIFUL was created to describe God; you are made in his likeness. Praise God for you. Amen
4)SKY - Night = Gods over thrown it. Yay.
5) WATER -Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6: 35 Come to the living fountain and Drink
6)FOOD - Full on the Spirit. Full on the Bread of life. You are what you eat.
Jesus said, “I am the bread of life” John 6:35
7)FIELDS -We are the Lords crop, in him we will grow and others around us will grow as well.
8)LEAVES - Death = Ugly or beautiful? Heaven? There are several mansions there. You will go home to your father.
9)MUSIC -Sing praise, sing praise, sing praise, sing praise, Forever God is faithful, forever God is strong, forever God is with us, Forever forever.
10) STONES - Nail = I created you and made you. Do you need something else to measure my love for you by? This should be enough. Look at this and remember me. You are truly loved do not doubt it.

Different parts in a Christian Life. Realisation mainly. God is here with us. Now, Forever, Always.
1) Looks at the God that made us, like in Psalm 139, that he knows us before we are here.
2)Is the descion we make in our life to become a Christian commit our lives to God.
3)The realisation that we where made by God in His image, as part of His Glory, as part of His Family, as part of His body.
4)Is the dark parts in our life, being a Christian isn't easy, just a little lighter.
5)IS our thirst for God, linked with
6) Our hunger for God's word
7)Is about the way we act, being a Christian not in words but in actions, by what we do not what we say
8)Is the end, who really knows, but I hope for Heaven
9) Is our life of worship the never ending beat of what we face with God
10) Is the central focus of it all. God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit.


The promise is a funny thing
It never promised sun
Yet in the briefest moments
You can see the victory is won

The promise is a funny thing
The path was never easy
Yet in the briefest moments
You can see the victory isn’t measly

The promise is a funny thing
The skies aren’t always blue
Yet in the briefest moments
You can see the victory is a different hue

The promise is a funny thing
It never promised no pain
Yet in the briefest moments
You can see the victory isn’t lame

The promise is a funny thing
The promise was for strength
And in the briefest moments
You can see the victory at length

The promise is a funny thing
It may have promised rest
And in the briefest moments
You can see the victory is no test

The promise is a funny thing
It always promised light
And in the briefest moments
You can see the victory in sight

The promise is a funny thing
The promise was for strength
And in the briefest moments
You can see the victory at length

The promise is a funny thing
It promises us grace
And in the briefest moments
You can see the victory is the case

The promise is a funny thing
It promises help from above
And in the briefest moments
You can see the victory is love

The promise is a funny thing
It promises love undying
And it takes no brief moment
To see the victory that God wasn’t lying

I was going to write this evening on my Christian Union and walking in the spirit. However I have spent a nice evening chatting to my great friend Martin... who owes me chocolate... I even offered to be his Valentine but....

So tomorrow walking in the spirit, no distractions

Believe

I have a friend who hasn't been at college for a while due to the fact that she kept fainting, she has kept smling though and has chosen my poems for the last two days has chosen my poems. So for today this is for Sharna. Keep believing, everyone keep believing.

Believe your heart

and follow your soul

discard your head

and enjoy this bore

we don’t live long

we always move on

so make that merry merry song

join the dance

make up the steps

and play the game

the game to life

make your rules

and the path you choose

you just can’t lose

don’t expect the steps not to fall away

and your feet not to pay

just don’t be afraid

leave the large door open

and don’t close the windows either

retrieve the music

discard the silence

feel the warmth

yet know the shadows

walk away and you

you will never see the light of day

argue for what you see

have faith in yourself

be who you are

not the person they want to see

you just have to believe

Sometime we stare at something for so long we don't even see what is there. My brother is slowly catching me up with the adventure side and is heading of to Japan. Watching him pack, makes me think am I actually going to miss this so and so I call my brother. I will let you know once he has gone. however him getting ready early reminds me of all the trips I've been on and the people I have met. Each photo that I've looked at whilst off with tonsilitus reminds me of different stories and other friends never caught on photos, the emotions caught up in the still image. They remind me of a past that sometimes I want to live in, yet live in the present is the only way. Thinking towards the future, makes me wonder who will still be there and who will just be a passing nod. i never forget or at least I hope I dont, I just find it hard to keep in contact. So for today, I live for today, tomorrow will come it always does and my past is what keeps me going. All the photos... They mean a lot. I love you all. xxx

It takes a beautiful person to see me and know me and then not to walk away.

It takes a beautiful person to put up with the hope and failures and then not to walk away.

It takes a beautiful person to hold up a dream and under the strain then not walk away.

It takes a beautiful person to walk straight into life’s battles with you and then not to walk away.

It takes a beautiful person to know when you will collapse and stay.

Thank you.

Life just goes by so quickly. It doesnt stop. One moment out and its all moved on and disappeard and now im running just to catch up again.

***

The thief
Silently cries in the afternoon
Lost is the reasoning
He will be gone soon
The man on the far side
Guffaws and laughs
At the man in the middle
Surround by half
The man in the middle
Himself on the hill
Prophesized by many
To come to fate this ill
The guards on the ground
Doing the their job
Look past at the king
Keeping away the mob
Mockers a many
Crowd on this mound
Shouting and laughing
As the surround
They followers there
Standing humble
Cry and weep
As their ground begins to crumble
The thief turns
And says to the middle man
I believe your title
Let me tonight sleep in your land
The middle man turns
Tonight my brother
You will be in paradise
Never again will you suffer
And till this very last
His kindness shone
Towards all men
Before he was gone
His last words where not many
Enough to make a gown man cry
Father please forgive them, they know not what they do
Was his last breaths sigh

Just got passed the sunset
And in the dark
I realised that I'm scared
I'm terrified
Dreams unreal but seen
And nightsmares not a dream and so real
Maybe one night I will sleep
In the arms of my dream.

I woke up today and the sun was shining through the window, no snow, although the forecast doesnt think it will stay that way. Well any way mother asked me to phone up the radio about , our German exchange partners. You see in a mojor coincidence my mother exchange partners daughter became my exchange partner 30 years later, which was a turn up for the book, and Radio Norfolk where talking about exchanges. Also eing Sunday I headed off to church which was certainly intresting, Cedric was talking about healing, his service are always different if not to modern for some of our congregation, but the lovely dears in the congregation are always so loving even if they do want to know everything, all the details and call you by the wrong name. Of course there is no rest for the wicked and as next week is the first time my friend and myself lead worship at church we had a meeting with our minister. It was nice if not very tiring to look at it certainly cleared a few things up before next week and now there is an order. Plus then ruth and myself got to plan our trip to the beach and possibly the cinema. On that note I leave you with a poem...


I could fall in love with the water
It's grace it's silent power
it's great noise and un-nerving silence
it's stillness in motion
I could fall in love with the water
the thousands of colours
it's depth of soul
it's inner light
and darkened heart
I could fall in love with the water
and it would keep me
forever in its loving embrace

The sun is shining this morning, the snow has gone for now and I feel happy. This week has been a bit up and down and that's just the weather. Can't believe the amount of shocking incidents. Finding that a very close church member was in hospital, followed by a close friend from sixth form also ending up in hospital, I'm sure would be enough to send any person in to possible moments of hysteria, then add in a Uni interview in London and the unfair exclusion of a friend from school on Wednesday. It rains when it can snow aye. There has been some positives, I have now got three offers for Universities and I do quite like watching snow, it makes me feel peaceful, an unusual event in my life, for which I will thank God.



During the week I was reminded of a poem I wrote quite a few years ago, it seems some what appropriate...



Dear Lord

Thank you, (add spontaneous applause)
For the calm water (or frozen snow),
For the freshness (or the cold),
For the sun (or the clouds),
For time (or how little time we have of it),
For this moment (now),
For what I have (not what I want),
For the life I live (not the life I want),
For the air I breathe (however polluted),
For the beauty of creation (even the mud),
For my voice so I can worship you (even if it is out of tune)
For love (even the rows),
For Ruth’s crazy dance (even if attacks),
For joy (even the thunder storms),
For new life (even if it cries or makes you sneeze,)
For our new life (through the death of your son),
Thank you, (add spontaneous applause)
Thank you for me (and all of my odd socks),
For all my family (even the ones I am not related to),
Amen

The first post is a poem...

This is a poem I wrote based on a song by casting crowns, unfortunatly I feel its very true in some cases.


Are we happy here
do we know what’s really happening
for every heart that is broken
I know the invitation
but can we really see
that I'm not a lie
they see me all so strong
but what if I were to say
that’s how I see them
never ready to open
or raise a hand to say
To you I am fake
this charade
I’m living is so that you
you don’t face up to
your failing
your fall
how can all them broken hearts
join a family
of strong happy plastic people
tucking their own broken hearts
behind that colourful facade
so under that shiny steeple we all could look the same
but Jesus closes the curtain
he opens us up
and strips the fake away
would standing below the cross set me free
then would you walk away
or would love of Jesus be enough
be enough to make you stay
Am I the only one who sees the walls
the curtains, the glass, the locks
keeping me from you and you from me
Jesus came to take that away yet
we are to ashamed to let him be
to set you free
now we know every line by heart
and this show is so life like
it all seems so convincing
if we tuck it all away is it really okay
they all believe it maybe I should believe it to
maybe we could break this
maybe we could shake this
I know it’s not true
so why do I only fall apart
when you are not watching
would you walk away
or would the love of Jesus be enough
be enough to make you stay
Am I the only one here
here in church today